Happy April! I just love the warm spring weather we’re having, don’t you?
Wishful thinking. While we’re longing for chirping birds and sunshiny days, we get snow instead. But snow now holds something special for me, and it’s because of my new book, Another Ending. Snow is a very important symbol in my novel, and I can’t help but smile when we get snow now. So, I thought I would share a little blurb from the book, for those who still haven’t gotten a chance to read it. And check out my new book trailer afterwards!
The tears that were streaming down my face as I ran down the street mixed with the pelting rain, making my skin feel raw. My hair stuck to me, and though I should have been freezing in that awful rain, my whole body felt like it was on fire. Every step I took was beyond painful, and my lungs were burning, screaming for me to stop running. I kept pushing until my body simply couldn’t go another step, and I fell to my knees right there in the middle of the road. In the dark houses that lined the street, I knew everyone was dreaming peacefully, completely unaware that my life had been ruined in one short night.
I clutched my stomach and dry heaved for what seemed like an eternity until my body purged everything out of my stomach. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and collapsed again in the street, still heaving and sobbing. I let the rain fall on me. I wanted to die.
Somehow, I managed to pull myself up and make my way home. I don’t remember reading street signs or keeping track of where I was; I just let my brain lead me home. Tanner’s light was on in his bedroom, and I suddenly realized that I hadn’t told my parents when I would be home, and by now, it was midnight. The house was dark, but I snuck in through my window as quietly as I could to avoid waking anyone up.
I was never more grateful for my own bathroom. I stripped my filthy clothes off me, and it was then I saw the blood running down my leg. I choked, horrified. I needed to destroy all of this later, but for now, I threw them behind my bathroom door. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror and wanted to break the glass when I saw the dirty, worthless girl staring back at me. My hair was soaking wet and tangled, my lips swollen from the crushing force of Jason’s kisses, and my eyes red from crying. My eyes were hollow. Dead.
I turned away and pulled back the shower curtain. I turned the water on as hot as I could stand and let the warmth run over my tender body. I washed the blood away and scrubbed down every inch on my body, every spot Jason had touched and violated. I winced from the pain. Being a virgin certainly hadn’t helped me tonight, and I felt broken from the force Jason had used.
When the water started running cold, I still stood there. My body wash was half gone from the dozens of times I scrubbed my body, and yet, I felt as dirty as ever. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me; its fuzzy warmth offering me no solace. I rubbed my body and hair as dry as I could and pulled on the warmest, most cozy pajamas I owned. A pair Tanner had given me last Christmas.
I stood in the middle of my room, unsure what to do next. I was exhausted and wanted to curl up into my bed and sleep this nightmare away, but I longed for company. I wanted my mom, but there was no way I was going to wake her because I couldn’t tell her what happened. No one could ever know. I glanced out the window and saw that Tanner’s night was off. It was just after 1:00 a.m. But his words came ringing back to me. “If he hurts you, Molly, you know I’ll kill him. You can come to me if he does. I’ll always be here.” Before I knew what was happening, I was out of my window and sliding his open.
I stood awkwardly beside his bed and looked down at his sleeping form. His tousled blond hair was splayed out on the pillow. He looked so peaceful. I sniffed and turned around, painfully aware of how bad an idea this was. Tanner had tried so hard to prevent this type of thing from happening. I had no right to come crying back to him.
“Molly?” he called out sleepily. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “What are you—are you okay?” Instantly awake after sensing I was in trouble, he threw the covers back and padded over to me. He was just wearing shorts, and I was feeling awkward, but he didn’t care. He pulled me into his arms, and I let the tears fall.
“Can I spend the night?” I hiccupped.
“Sure, Moll,” he said without question and led me to his bed where I snuggled up against his warm, broad chest. He wiped the tears from my eyes and waited for me to explain myself. When I didn’t, he gently asked me what happened.
I almost told him. But just as I opened my mouth, I remembered Jason’s words. No one would believe me. Especially not Tanner who saw right through me and knew that I was just playing this little game with Jason because I got some weird thrill out of going against his and Kristina’s wishes.
“Jason broke up with me,” I lied. “Told me he wasn’t ready for commitment.” I sniffed, tears coursing down my face. Tanner stroked my damp hair, but he didn’t say anything. I knew he was probably feeling relief because I was free from Jason’s clutches. He didn’t know, however, that Jason was now holding me hostage inside myself. I couldn’t escape from what he had done; I couldn’t tell anyone. He had me completely trapped.
After a few minutes of silence, Tanner tilted my head up to his and looked me straight in the eye. “He doesn’t know what he’s giving up,” he said simply. No “I told you so” or “you’re better off without him.” He lightly kissed my hair and continued stroking. I felt my eyelids getting heavy, recognizing that sleep was about to claim me. I thought I heard him whisper “I love you,” but sleep was dragging me down, and I didn’t know if I’d actually heard it.
I woke up countless times that night in extreme panic. Each time Tanner shushed me until the visions of Jason’s cruel eyes disappeared from view. I would snap out of it, see Tanner’s concerned face searching my eyes, and I would relax into his strong arms again. He’d kiss my head and settle me back against his body.
In the morning, I awoke with my cheek pressed against his bare chest, my arm flung across his body. His arms held me safe and warm, but I still felt alone and empty. I felt the tears coming back, but I squeezed them away. I didn’t want Tanner to see me crying and think I was upset over losing Jason. I wanted him to think I had finally seen his point of view that Jason wasn’t worth my time, and I was better off without him.
Tanner’s eyes fluttered open and he gave me a little smile. His hair stuck out in all different directions, looking as adorable as ever. Too bad I hadn’t realized what a catch Tanner was before; I could have avoided this whole mess if Tanner and I were together. But I was so incredibly grateful that I had come over last night. It would have been absolute torture to endure that night without his quiet strength to calm me.
“Morning,” he said as he pushed the hair out of my eyes. I winced a little because that’s what Jason had done to me the night before.
“Morning,” I said back and sat up. Suddenly, I was painfully aware of the fact that I was only wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants. I hugged my arms around my chest. “I should get back,” I said softly. “My parents will think I was out all night with Jason if they find me gone from my room.”
“Yeah, okay,” Tanner said. “You gonna be all right? Need me to come over later?” The tightness returned to my throat as I looked into the eyes of my best friend. He had just watched me waltz around for the past two months with a guy he didn’t like, rejecting his feelings for me as if they didn’t matter at all. He’d seen me at my lowest point ever and held me as nightmares terrorized me the whole night through. He saw me crying about this guy he thought I still liked, and yet, he still wanted to be with me. To make sure I was all right.
I did not deserve this boy. Not after last night. Not after how I let some jerk dupe me and steal my most precious gift—my virginity. I was dirty and unworthy of Tanner.
“I’ll text you if I need you,” I said, offering him the best smile I could muster.
“All right,” he said. I started to walk away, but Tanner called out, “Wait.”
I turned around, and he walked after me, pulling me into another hug, and kissing my head over and over again. “It’ll be all right, Moll. Today’s a new day. We’ll get through this. Promise.”
I knew it wouldn’t be that easy, that I was never going to get over this. But I’d have to somehow make him believe in a few days though that I was fine. That I was over Jason and moving on with my life.
“Hey look,” he said and pointed outside. “Snow.”
How ironic, I thought. Last night, I had wished for snow, for the fresh new promise that seemed to come with snow. As if the world were covered in purity and goodness. A promise of a new beginning, a fresh start.
Today didn’t feel like a fresh start though. It felt like the beginning of a prison that was just starting to close in on me. It was a deep pit, something I’d struggle to climb out of for years to come. There was no new beginning for me in this snowfall. This was an ending.
Please let me know if you want a copy! I would love to get you a signed copy. And remember that Mother’s Day is quickly approaching—this book would make a great gift. Thanks again for your support!