Ben
and I have been married for two months already! Reflecting back on these last
eight weeks, I can already see that God has been teaching me some important
lessons. Some painful ones, but good ones. I can pull four big things I have
learned in the last two months, and I’m thankful that in just eight short weeks
I have been able to pull out so many important lessons. Much of this is because
I made a conscious decision to keep my eyes open to what God would be doing in
the first months of marriage. I’m excited for the many more things God will
reveal to me in all the months and years he blesses me and Ben with.
Lesson
#1: A good attitude is one of the most powerful things in life.
I
had to learn this lesson on day one of our marriage. On Friday, June 7th,
the sun shone and clear skies reigned. Even though my phone showed Saturday as
being the only rainy day of the week, on Friday I held out hope that the sun
would continue to shine and chase the rainclouds away. After all the rehearsal
dinner festivities were over I was giddy with excitement, because I knew that
rain or shine, tomorrow would be the best day of my life so far! However, in
the back of my mind, no matter how much I told myself that if it rained I would
be fine, I hoped beyond hope that the rain wouldn’t come.
At
6:00 AM on June 8th, my alarm went off and I woke up without a
problem. (I’ve had to get up at 5:30 every day this summer for work…I wish I
was able to wake up that easily all the time!) The first thing I heard? Rain.
Wind. Thunder. For a brief second my heart sank. Every bride dreams of her
perfect, sunshiny, happily ever after wedding day. Why, on the most important
day of my life, was the rain pouring and thunder shaking the sky? Why today?
But
then I closed my eyes and made the choice NOT to let this control how my day
was going to go. Would the rain and thunder tamper with eighteen months of
carefully crafted wedding day plans? Absolutely. But would the rain ruin my
marriage? Absolutely not! I told myself: You
can let the rain ruin your day or you can CHOOSE to have a good attitude and
make this day everything you dreamed about. It’s up to you.
I
chose to make the best of it. Why look for
reasons to dampen my big day? Regardless of the rain, I knew I was marrying my
prince charming. So, we altered plans. My daddy went out and bought a bunch of
pink umbrellas, and me and my bridesmaids all held tightly onto them as we
ventured from our hair appointments to the church. Was it a hassle? Sort of.
Did it ruin the day? Nope. We worked around it. Instead of having our bridal
reveal outside under the trees, we moved it inside and still got some great
shots. The rain didn’t keep our guests away, and we still got married! The rain
continued to mess up some plans, but so what? The point of the day was to
commit our lives to each other—not to get the perfect wedding shots I was
dreaming about. (Our wedding pictures still turned out beautifully even though
we didn’t get to do the outdoor shots I wanted. Check them out on my profile!)
My
point is this: We had to make a lot of adjustments on our wedding day due to
rain. I could have chosen to be a “bridezilla” and freak out about it. Instead,
I took a step back and was able to see the bigger picture. My good attitude had
power! Lots of people were concerned that I was crushed, but I was able to
encourage them with my positive
thinking. This lesson continues to come to me day after day. There are many
little things that threaten to ruin my days. But stepping back and choosing to see the bigger picture is
beyond powerful. You can choose to
have a good attitude, if you try hard enough.
Lesson
#2: A good attitude is powerful, but praying and reading scripture together
daily is MUCH more powerful
When
Ben and I first dated, we made the decision not to read scripture or pray
together. As 15 and 16 year olds, we didn’t want to reflect the powerful good
feelings that Bible reading and prayer can bring back on to each other. We
wanted to grow in Christ, and at that point in our lives we needed to do it
separately so that our times in prayer and scripture were Christ focused. As we
progressed in our relationship we both knew that marriage was definitely in our
future, so we gradually stared moving towards growing together—but we were still cautious. One thing that worked
well for us was reading Christian books together, from authors such as Max
Lucado. This was an easy way for Ben to practice being a spiritual leader,
because many of these books have Bible studies built right into them. The
questions were all laid out, and he was able to lead good discussion during
those times.
Now,
as a married couple, we are enjoying spending much more time growing together
in Christ. We are currently reading through a book called “Quiet Times for
Couples” by H. Norman Wright. This book was given to us as a wedding present,
and it is a wonderful book! Much like Ben and I had to ease into seeking Christ
together as a dating couple, we’ve had to ease into fulfilling our roles—Ben as
a spiritual leader and I as his helpmate. This book has made that transition
much smoother for us and it’s allowed us to see just how important it is to
pray and read scripture together. We’re enjoying the new level of discussion it
has allowed us to have—it’s easy to talk about our days, but sometimes
spiritual discussions are hard to get going. When reading this book, discussing
scripture, what God has been teaching us in our individual quiet times, and
praying together becomes much easier.
We’ve
seen many marriages crumble around us. We don’t want to experience that pain.
So we are combating that right from the beginning and making Christ the center
of our marriage. One important thing we learned in our pre-marital counseling
was to love God above our spouse and love our spouse above our future kids. I’m
so thankful that we were able to lay out those boundaries before we hit any
rough patches in our marriage! When the rough patches hit I’m grateful that the
solid foundation we are building now will be able to get us through.
Lesson
#3: Making time for fun is essential
When
Ben and I first started dating we made a list of all the things we wanted to do
together—from silly things like going swimming at the local pool to attending a
David Crowder Band concert. It was an extensive list, filled with goofy dreams.
I love that right from the beginning we made fun a priority. Life is too short
to be serious all the time! Being such a young couple can make having fun a bit
tougher, as fun things often are expensive. So we’ve gotten creative J
So
far we’ve built a blanket fort and watched Harry Potter inside, gone to a
drive-in movie theater, gone on a few fishing dates, and picnicked out at Wall
Lake. We’re still in “the honeymoon” phase and I know down the road some of the
magic might fade. That will be when making time for fun becomes crucial! It
will be easy for this priority to slide down the list as we add kids into the
mix, but we’re going to try hard to keep it in the top slots. Like I said
above, we have to first love God and then love each other above our kids. It’s
going to be hard. But I think it will be well worth it. I think our kids will
be more secure if the can see that their mommy and daddy love each other. If we
never make time to be silly together and spend time apart from them , I think
things will get tense, and kids can sense tension. We don’t want them to ever
have to question our love for each other. So even though it will be difficult,
it’s too important for the well-being of our entire family to not do so.
Lesson
#4: The devil is already working on destruction
The
devil really wants our marriage to fail, and I have a feeling he is going to
try anything to make this happen. Right now he is attacking my attitude and
trying as hard as he can to crumble the positive one I am trying to hold onto.
We
live in a world that tells us we deserve to be happy all the time. The world
tells us we need nice houses, lots of money, spiffy cars, and expensive clothes
to be happy. It’s so easy to buy into that! I only have to scroll down my
Facebook or Pinterest page to see it. I am bombarded daily with images of
things I want in my life—and it’s difficult to hold onto a positive attitude
when my heart is screaming “I want more!” I’ve had to close my eyes a few times
and mentally list all the things God has blessed me with to refocus myself.
Listening to K-Love and Life 96.5 on my way back and forth from work has helped
tremendously too. It’s a daily struggle, but I’m not going to let the devil get
his way into my marriage.
I’m
anticipating a tough battle in the coming weeks as Ben and I attend weddings.
Even receiving the invitations to these weddings has been difficult, as I think
back to my own and wish we had done things differently. I know I will be taking
in all the details the brides put into their weddings and comparing it to my
own, wishing I had done this or that differently. I’m going to have to
constantly be reminding myself that the wedding is just one day—all those
details fade. The marriage itself is what is most important. And our wedding
day was absolutely magical—I don’t want to taint that special day with thoughts
of what I could have done differently. Because there is no detail we could have
added that would have changed how special our day was.
Thanks
for lifting us up in prayer and supporting us as we get started. It’s already
been a blast—we’re so very excited for all that God has in store for us,
whatever that may be.
