Happy
April! I just love the warm spring weather we’re having, don’t you?
Wishful
thinking. While we’re longing for chirping birds and sunshiny days, we get snow
instead. But snow now holds something special for me, and it’s because of my
new book, Another Ending. Snow is a
very important symbol in my novel, and I can’t help but smile when we get snow
now. So, I thought I would share a little blurb from the book, for those who
still haven’t gotten a chance to read it. And check out my new book trailer
afterwards!
~
The tears that were streaming
down my face as I ran down the street mixed with the pelting rain, making my
skin feel raw. My hair stuck to me, and though I should have been freezing in
that awful rain, my whole body felt like it was on fire. Every step I took was
beyond painful, and my lungs were burning, screaming for me to stop running. I
kept pushing until my body simply couldn’t go another step, and I fell to my
knees right there in the middle of the road. In the dark houses that lined the
street, I knew everyone was dreaming peacefully, completely unaware that my
life had been ruined in one short night.
I clutched my stomach and dry heaved for what seemed like
an eternity until my body purged everything out of my stomach. I wiped my mouth
on my sleeve and collapsed again in the street, still heaving and sobbing. I
let the rain fall on me. I wanted to die.
Somehow, I managed to pull myself up and make my way
home. I don’t remember reading street signs or keeping track of where I was; I
just let my brain lead me home. Tanner’s light was on in his bedroom, and I
suddenly realized that I hadn’t told my parents when I would be home, and by
now, it was midnight. The house was dark, but I snuck in through my window as
quietly as I could to avoid waking anyone up.
I was never more grateful for my own bathroom. I stripped
my filthy clothes off me, and it was
then I saw the blood running down my leg. I choked, horrified. I needed to
destroy all of this later, but for now, I threw them behind my bathroom door. I
caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror and wanted to break the glass when I
saw the dirty, worthless girl staring back at me. My hair was soaking wet and
tangled, my lips swollen from the crushing force of Jason’s kisses, and my eyes
red from crying. My eyes were hollow. Dead.
I turned
away and pulled back the shower curtain. I turned the water on as hot as I
could stand and let the warmth run over my tender body. I washed the blood away
and scrubbed down every inch on my body, every spot Jason had touched and
violated. I winced from the pain. Being a virgin certainly hadn’t helped me
tonight, and I felt broken from the force Jason had used.
When the water started running cold, I still stood there.
My body wash was half gone from the dozens of times I scrubbed my body, and
yet, I felt as dirty as ever. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me; its
fuzzy warmth offering me no solace. I rubbed my body and hair as dry as I could
and pulled on the warmest, most cozy pajamas I owned. A pair Tanner had given
me last Christmas.
I stood in the middle of my room, unsure what to do next.
I was exhausted and wanted to curl up into my bed and sleep this nightmare
away, but I longed for company. I wanted my mom, but there was no way I was
going to wake her because I couldn’t tell her what happened. No one could ever
know. I glanced out the window and saw that Tanner’s night was off. It was just
after 1:00 a.m. But his words came ringing back to me. “If he hurts you, Molly,
you know I’ll kill him. You can come to me if he does. I’ll always be here.”
Before I knew what was happening, I was out of my window and sliding his open.
I stood awkwardly beside his bed and looked down at his
sleeping form. His tousled blond hair was splayed out on the pillow. He looked
so peaceful. I sniffed and turned around, painfully aware of how bad an idea
this was. Tanner had tried so hard to prevent this type of thing from
happening. I had no right to come crying back to him.
“Molly?” he called out sleepily. He sat up and rubbed his
eyes. “What are you—are you okay?” Instantly awake after sensing I was in
trouble, he threw the covers back and padded over to me. He was just wearing
shorts, and I was feeling awkward, but he didn’t care. He pulled me into his
arms, and I let the tears fall.
“Can I spend the night?” I hiccupped.
“Sure, Moll,” he said without question and led me to his
bed where I snuggled up against his warm, broad chest. He wiped the tears from
my eyes and waited for me to explain myself. When I didn’t, he gently asked me
what happened.
I almost told him. But just as I opened my mouth, I
remembered Jason’s words. No one would believe me. Especially not Tanner who
saw right through me and knew that I was just playing this little game with
Jason because I got some weird thrill out of going against his and Kristina’s
wishes.
“Jason broke up with me,” I lied. “Told me he wasn’t
ready for commitment.” I sniffed, tears coursing down my face. Tanner stroked
my damp hair, but he didn’t say anything. I knew he was probably feeling relief
because I was free from Jason’s clutches. He didn’t know, however, that Jason
was now holding me hostage inside myself. I couldn’t escape from what he had
done; I couldn’t tell anyone. He had me completely trapped.
After a few minutes of silence, Tanner tilted my head up
to his and looked me straight in the eye. “He doesn’t know what he’s giving
up,” he said simply. No “I told you so” or “you’re better off without him.” He
lightly kissed my hair and continued stroking. I felt my eyelids getting heavy,
recognizing that sleep was about to claim me. I thought I heard him whisper “I
love you,” but sleep was dragging me down, and I didn’t know if I’d actually
heard it.
I woke up countless times that night in extreme panic.
Each time Tanner shushed me until the visions of Jason’s cruel eyes disappeared
from view. I would snap out of it, see Tanner’s concerned face searching my
eyes, and I would relax into his strong arms again. He’d kiss my head and settle
me back against his body.
In the morning, I awoke with my cheek pressed against his
bare chest, my arm flung across his body. His arms held me safe and warm, but I
still felt alone and empty. I felt the tears coming back, but I squeezed them
away. I didn’t want Tanner to see me crying and think I was upset over losing
Jason. I wanted him to think I had finally seen his point of view that Jason
wasn’t worth my time, and I was better off without him.
Tanner’s eyes fluttered open and he gave me a little
smile. His hair stuck out in all different directions, looking as adorable as
ever. Too bad I hadn’t realized what a catch Tanner was before; I could have
avoided this whole mess if Tanner and I were together. But I was so incredibly
grateful that I had come over last night. It would have been absolute torture
to endure that night without his quiet strength to calm me.
“Morning,” he said as he pushed the hair out of my eyes.
I winced a little because that’s what Jason had done to me the night before.
“Morning,” I said back and sat up. Suddenly, I was
painfully aware of the fact that I was only wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants.
I hugged my arms around my chest. “I should get back,” I said softly. “My
parents will think I was out all night with Jason if they find me gone from my
room.”
“Yeah, okay,” Tanner said. “You gonna be all right? Need
me to come over later?” The tightness returned to my throat as I looked into
the eyes of my best friend. He had just watched me waltz around for the past
two months with a guy he didn’t like, rejecting his feelings for me as if they
didn’t matter at all. He’d seen me at my lowest point ever and held me as
nightmares terrorized me the whole night through. He saw me crying about this
guy he thought I still liked, and yet, he still wanted to be with me. To make
sure I was all right.
I did not deserve this boy. Not after last night. Not
after how I let some jerk dupe me and steal my most precious gift—my virginity.
I was dirty and unworthy of Tanner.
“I’ll text you if I need you,” I said, offering him the
best smile I could muster.
“All right,” he said. I started to walk away, but Tanner
called out, “Wait.”
I turned
around, and he walked after me, pulling me into another hug, and kissing my
head over and over again. “It’ll be all right, Moll. Today’s a new day. We’ll
get through this. Promise.”
I knew it wouldn’t be that easy, that I was never going
to get over this. But I’d have to
somehow make him believe in a few days though that I was fine. That I was over
Jason and moving on with my life.
“Hey look,” he said and pointed outside. “Snow.”
How ironic, I
thought. Last night, I had wished for snow, for the fresh new promise that
seemed to come with snow. As if the world were covered in purity and goodness.
A promise of a new beginning, a fresh start.
Today
didn’t feel like a fresh start though. It felt like the beginning of a prison
that was just starting to close in on me. It was a deep pit, something I’d
struggle to climb out of for years to come. There was no new beginning for me
in this snowfall. This was an ending.
~
Please let me know if you want a
copy! I would love to get you a signed copy. And remember that Mother’s Day is
quickly approaching—this book would make a great gift. Thanks again for your
support!
