A little blurb on this snowy day

Happy April! I just love the warm spring weather we’re having, don’t you?

Wishful thinking. While we’re longing for chirping birds and sunshiny days, we get snow instead. But snow now holds something special for me, and it’s because of my new book, Another Ending. Snow is a very important symbol in my novel, and I can’t help but smile when we get snow now. So, I thought I would share a little blurb from the book, for those who still haven’t gotten a chance to read it. And check out my new book trailer afterwards!

~

The tears that were streaming down my face as I ran down the street mixed with the pelting rain, making my skin feel raw. My hair stuck to me, and though I should have been freezing in that awful rain, my whole body felt like it was on fire. Every step I took was beyond painful, and my lungs were burning, screaming for me to stop running. I kept pushing until my body simply couldn’t go another step, and I fell to my knees right there in the middle of the road. In the dark houses that lined the street, I knew everyone was dreaming peacefully, completely unaware that my life had been ruined in one short night.

            I clutched my stomach and dry heaved for what seemed like an eternity until my body purged everything out of my stomach. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and collapsed again in the street, still heaving and sobbing. I let the rain fall on me. I wanted to die.

            Somehow, I managed to pull myself up and make my way home. I don’t remember reading street signs or keeping track of where I was; I just let my brain lead me home. Tanner’s light was on in his bedroom, and I suddenly realized that I hadn’t told my parents when I would be home, and by now, it was midnight. The house was dark, but I snuck in through my window as quietly as I could to avoid waking anyone up.

            I was never more grateful for my own bathroom. I stripped my filthy clothes off  me, and it was then I saw the blood running down my leg. I choked, horrified. I needed to destroy all of this later, but for now, I threw them behind my bathroom door. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror and wanted to break the glass when I saw the dirty, worthless girl staring back at me. My hair was soaking wet and tangled, my lips swollen from the crushing force of Jason’s kisses, and my eyes red from crying. My eyes were hollow. Dead.

I turned away and pulled back the shower curtain. I turned the water on as hot as I could stand and let the warmth run over my tender body. I washed the blood away and scrubbed down every inch on my body, every spot Jason had touched and violated. I winced from the pain. Being a virgin certainly hadn’t helped me tonight, and I felt broken from the force Jason had used.

            When the water started running cold, I still stood there. My body wash was half gone from the dozens of times I scrubbed my body, and yet, I felt as dirty as ever. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me; its fuzzy warmth offering me no solace. I rubbed my body and hair as dry as I could and pulled on the warmest, most cozy pajamas I owned. A pair Tanner had given me last Christmas.

            I stood in the middle of my room, unsure what to do next. I was exhausted and wanted to curl up into my bed and sleep this nightmare away, but I longed for company. I wanted my mom, but there was no way I was going to wake her because I couldn’t tell her what happened. No one could ever know. I glanced out the window and saw that Tanner’s night was off. It was just after 1:00 a.m. But his words came ringing back to me. “If he hurts you, Molly, you know I’ll kill him. You can come to me if he does. I’ll always be here.” Before I knew what was happening, I was out of my window and sliding his open.

            I stood awkwardly beside his bed and looked down at his sleeping form. His tousled blond hair was splayed out on the pillow. He looked so peaceful. I sniffed and turned around, painfully aware of how bad an idea this was. Tanner had tried so hard to prevent this type of thing from happening. I had no right to come crying back to him.

            “Molly?” he called out sleepily. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “What are you—are you okay?” Instantly awake after sensing I was in trouble, he threw the covers back and padded over to me. He was just wearing shorts, and I was feeling awkward, but he didn’t care. He pulled me into his arms, and I let the tears fall.

            “Can I spend the night?” I hiccupped.

            “Sure, Moll,” he said without question and led me to his bed where I snuggled up against his warm, broad chest. He wiped the tears from my eyes and waited for me to explain myself. When I didn’t, he gently asked me what happened.

            I almost told him. But just as I opened my mouth, I remembered Jason’s words. No one would believe me. Especially not Tanner who saw right through me and knew that I was just playing this little game with Jason because I got some weird thrill out of going against his and Kristina’s wishes. 

            “Jason broke up with me,” I lied. “Told me he wasn’t ready for commitment.” I sniffed, tears coursing down my face. Tanner stroked my damp hair, but he didn’t say anything. I knew he was probably feeling relief because I was free from Jason’s clutches. He didn’t know, however, that Jason was now holding me hostage inside myself. I couldn’t escape from what he had done; I couldn’t tell anyone. He had me completely trapped.

            After a few minutes of silence, Tanner tilted my head up to his and looked me straight in the eye. “He doesn’t know what he’s giving up,” he said simply. No “I told you so” or “you’re better off without him.” He lightly kissed my hair and continued stroking. I felt my eyelids getting heavy, recognizing that sleep was about to claim me. I thought I heard him whisper “I love you,” but sleep was dragging me down, and I didn’t know if I’d actually heard it.

            I woke up countless times that night in extreme panic. Each time Tanner shushed me until the visions of Jason’s cruel eyes disappeared from view. I would snap out of it, see Tanner’s concerned face searching my eyes, and I would relax into his strong arms again. He’d kiss my head and settle me back against his body.

            In the morning, I awoke with my cheek pressed against his bare chest, my arm flung across his body. His arms held me safe and warm, but I still felt alone and empty. I felt the tears coming back, but I squeezed them away. I didn’t want Tanner to see me crying and think I was upset over losing Jason. I wanted him to think I had finally seen his point of view that Jason wasn’t worth my time, and I was better off without him.

            Tanner’s eyes fluttered open and he gave me a little smile. His hair stuck out in all different directions, looking as adorable as ever. Too bad I hadn’t realized what a catch Tanner was before; I could have avoided this whole mess if Tanner and I were together. But I was so incredibly grateful that I had come over last night. It would have been absolute torture to endure that night without his quiet strength to calm me.

            “Morning,” he said as he pushed the hair out of my eyes. I winced a little because that’s what Jason had done to me the night before.

            “Morning,” I said back and sat up. Suddenly, I was painfully aware of the fact that I was only wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants. I hugged my arms around my chest. “I should get back,” I said softly. “My parents will think I was out all night with Jason if they find me gone from my room.”

            “Yeah, okay,” Tanner said. “You gonna be all right? Need me to come over later?” The tightness returned to my throat as I looked into the eyes of my best friend. He had just watched me waltz around for the past two months with a guy he didn’t like, rejecting his feelings for me as if they didn’t matter at all. He’d seen me at my lowest point ever and held me as nightmares terrorized me the whole night through. He saw me crying about this guy he thought I still liked, and yet, he still wanted to be with me. To make sure I was all right.

            I did not deserve this boy. Not after last night. Not after how I let some jerk dupe me and steal my most precious gift—my virginity. I was dirty and unworthy of Tanner.

            “I’ll text you if I need you,” I said, offering him the best smile I could muster.

            “All right,” he said. I started to walk away, but Tanner called out, “Wait.”

I turned around, and he walked after me, pulling me into another hug, and kissing my head over and over again. “It’ll be all right, Moll. Today’s a new day. We’ll get through this. Promise.”

            I knew it wouldn’t be that easy, that I was never going to get over this. But  I’d have to somehow make him believe in a few days though that I was fine. That I was over Jason and moving on with my life.

            “Hey look,” he said and pointed outside. “Snow.”

            How ironic, I thought. Last night, I had wished for snow, for the fresh new promise that seemed to come with snow. As if the world were covered in purity and goodness. A promise of a new beginning, a fresh start.

Today didn’t feel like a fresh start though. It felt like the beginning of a prison that was just starting to close in on me. It was a deep pit, something I’d struggle to climb out of for years to come. There was no new beginning for me in this snowfall. This was an ending.

~

Please let me know if you want a copy! I would love to get you a signed copy. And remember that Mother’s Day is quickly approaching—this book would make a great gift. Thanks again for your support!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgEyAV02zEU

New Project

The Year of Jubilee.

That is the tentative title of my third book. (Titles are hard! I change my mind a lot and always think something better is out there. We’ll see if this one sticks!) Technically it is the fourth project that I started, but out of the blue the other week I had this deep desire to halt work on my current project, Out of the Dust, to continue on with the main character’s story from the first two books—Molly Taylor. (I’m actually waffling on titles for that one too! Right now it is between Out of the Dust and A Firm Foundation. I’m hoping that as I get further into it the story will mold the title—it usually does.)

I am beyond excited to begin work on this new project. I always get super energized at the beginning of a new book, but I am even more thrilled with this one. If you read my first book, Another Ending, you know I write about some deep stuff. Hard stuff. Yucky stuff that night even make your stomach hurt when you put yourself into the character’s shoes and imagine what it might feel like to be in their situation. My writing is emotionally based—I cannot tell you how many comments I receive from people who say they really, truly felt like they were experiencing the same emotions as the characters. As a writer, that makes my heart so happy! From the get-go it was my goal to draw people in with the real life emotions of the characters, and now that it is happening I just can’t get a handle on it. I cannot thank God enough for allowing me to be able to do so. And since I know it worked with book one, get ready for more of the same with book two—An Open Window. (An Open Window will go into production in June, by the way, which will make it available right around Christmastime. Yay!) Grab the Kleenexes beforehand, folks. This one might draw some tears out of you as well. I won’t give away any plot details because so many have not read the first book yet, but I will say that the issues in this book are not the same nature—I took a step back from the intense issues of sexual abuse, abortion, and sexual promiscuity and focused on some equally as important issues. But it probably won’t give you the same yucky feeling in the pit of your stomach—you’ll feel sad, and frustrated, and maybe even a little mad. But I don’t think you’ll feel the same level of desperation as you might have with the first one. (Good or bad, I don’t know J )

Originally I was going to stop Molly’s story after the second book. You are all going to love what happens to her, and it would satisfy many of you not to know any more of what happens to her. But at the same time, Molly has become a dear friend to me. I hope she becomes a dear friend to you as well. That being said, I wasn’t quite ready to leave her behind, and God graciously provided me with an extended story for her.

And it is an extremely hard story to write. I’m even a tiny bit mad at God for putting this particular story in my mind, because even thinking about it makes me heart feel heavy. I don’t want to put my dear friend through even more pain, but I’m going to do it anyway. Because the symbolism that comes out of Molly’s struggles is very powerful, (I hope!) so even though it pains me to hurt her, I’m going to do it so that the story of God’s wonderful love is made clear to people who desperately need to hear it.  

Maybe you don’t know what the Year of Jubilee is. I don’t really either. I’m still trying to fully comprehend it. (I’m going to have to stop writing here pretty quick and do some more in depth research. Perks of being a writer—research! Yay!) But here is a couple of verses from Leviticus to give you a very basic idea of what to expect:

"Then on the Day of Atonement in the fiftieth year, blow the ram's horn loud and long throughout the land. Set this year apart as holy, a time to proclaim freedom throughout the land for all who live there. It will be a jubilee year for you, when each of you may return to the land that belonged to your ancestors and return to your own clan. This fiftieth year will be a jubilee for you." ~ Leviticus 25:9-11

Freedom. That’s all you need to know right now.

Prayers always appreciated. (I’m only four pages into it right now, but it’s never too early to start praying for the words to change hearts!)

Sara

P.S.

Some of you might only recognize the phrase “the year of jubilee from this song. Take a listen below J

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s4hkcZhfqQ

Still need a copy of Another Ending? You can order it right here: http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-62510-420-5

Mother’s Day is approaching…this would be a great gift to give! 

Life is Crazy and Fun: Exciting Updates

Time to fill you all in on some exciting details! Most of you know that my book Another Ending is finally in my hands—and I am eager to get it into yours. That is what I have been focusing on for the last few weeks. I’ve been busy selling to people who’ve been patiently waiting for its release and scheduling events to get the book straight into the hands of my target audience. But as more and more people have been reading my book I am finding out that my target audience is much bigger than I ever thought. In fact, I’m not really sure I can say I have a target audience anymore! My publishing house would argue with me on that, and to some degree it is a very good idea to have a target audience—it makes marketing that much easier. I am able to seek out specific places that my target audience hangs out and get the book right to them. So, if I had to narrow it down to a group the book would best cater to, I would say young adults, specifically young women.

But many of the people who’ve read my book so far don’t fall into that category. And yet the feedback from those people has blown my mind. This isn’t a story just for teenage girls—it may be about a teenage girl, but think about your own life. You are surrounded by people of different circumstances, just as my main character Molly is. She has younger siblings, parents, friends, and people much older than her in her life, influencing her. So even though this story is mainly about her, it’s also about those other groups, and in that way I am able to reach a much bigger group of people. I hope mothers reading this story realize the power they have over their children. I hope fathers see just how important it is for them to verbalize and demonstrate love to their children. I hope teenagers see just how important their friendships are to their friends, and how words can deeply affect, deeply wound, the people they really love.  I hope Christians can see how their good intentions sometimes come off as harsh and hurtful as they struggle to figure out how to love the lost around them. I hope non-Christians can see the mind-blowing, completely amazing love that God has for them. I hope that everyone can see that love!

Originally this project started as a mission to educate people about the side- effects of abortion; about how even in circumstances such as rape it can still haunt and deeply hurt women. And there are still traces of that in this story, but I realized that if I wanted to reach beyond my target audience I couldn’t have the main focus of my story be this sensitive issue. This isn’t about making people feel guilty or changing their stance on abortion. It is about a broken, hurting girl who runs away from the God she has loved for her entire life because she feels he has let her down. It is about asking tough questions and realizing that that’s okay!  It’s a story of brokenness, because we are all broken! Ultimately, this is a story about Jesus—about how he can take all us broken people through his refining fire and make us strong and beautiful.

Some of my readers, however, were pretty upset about a certain aspect of my book. (You know who you are!) So while I say it’s a story about Jesus, I know that at the end of this first book many of you will be left a tiny bit unsatisfied, because it’s still a story about Molly. This isn’t a “bubble gum” ending. It might not end the way you want it to. But fear not….because on Thursday I signed the contract for my second book, An Open Window, which is a continuation of Molly’s story. I am so excited to share with you later on the reasoning behind the name of this book. It works out soooooo perfectly, it is almost scary. I get excited just thinking about it. So while I am in the midst of marketing my first book and hosting pre-release parties and book signings, I will begin production on the second one. Makes logical sense to start working on a third one right? Way ahead of you, friends! As of a few days ago I am 88 pages (about 40,000 words) into the third one, Out of the Dust. (I had to stop writing the third one to start formatting my second book’s manuscript, which is killing me because it’s getting to the good part!) There are NOT enough hours in my day to get all this stuff done. J

For those of you who haven’t had a chance to get a book or maybe just aren’t sure if you want to invest your time and money into it, I encourage you to visit my website and check it out for yourself: http://sarawhitley.tateauthor.com/ This book would be a great way to reach out to any hurting family members or friends in your life, as it includes a clear presentation of the gospel. I sincerely hope that it can touch your heart, encourage and inspire you. If it does, pass it on.

And for those of you who are angry that you have to wait six-eight months for the second one….check out my blog on my author website, which is linked here http://sarawhitley.tateauthor.com/blog/ . I might have posted the prologue for my second book J

Dates to put in your calendar:

·        March 2^nd: pre-release party at University of Sioux Falls, Cleveland Center room 106B, 2:00-5:00 pm.

·        March 16^th: pre-release party at Rexall Drug in Yankton, SD. Time TBA

·        May 28^th: My book will be available in national distribution! So you can tell all your friends to go out and get themselves a copy.

What a pre-release party is:

            A time for you to meet the author, buy a book if you want (for you and for all your friends!) eat food, and talk to me and other guest about the book. It will be a fun time.

What a book signing is:

            Pretty much the same thing, only in a bookstore setting. Pre-release parties are a chance for me to sell the personal copies that I have bought, while a book signing is a partnership with bookstores. But it is more of the same thing: meet the author, buy books, talk to other readers. Eat food J

Please make plans to join me for these fun events, and TELL YOUR FRIENDS! If you read the book and enjoyed it this is a great time to get copies into their hands. Or if you’ve been wanting a copy, come and get a signed one! It is a good deal all around, and I appreciate your support! 

Sacrificial Love

I really dislike Valentine’s Day.

It’s not because I had some bad experience with Valentine’s Day—I’ve never had my heart broken or had anything traumatic happen to me on this day. It’s just the cheapness of it all. The absolute disgusting display of red, pink, and purple. The giant, hideous teddy bears that sit on the shelves of every store. The endless boxes of candy on display. I just can’t stand it all.

I don’t like that this day makes those not in a relationship feel lonely. Or even worse, that it makes them feel like they need to be in a relationship, that something is wrong with them because they’re not in one. That might be why so many young people idolize love and romance and miss out on the best relationship they can have—a relationship with Jesus. Instead, they worship the cheap version of love that Valentine’s Day portrays. Most of them don’t even know what kind of love they’re missing out on, and oh, it’s the best kind of love out there.

Sacrificial love.

The other day Ben and I were out getting a pizza from Hy-Vee. Now, to normal people this would be an easy thing to do. But Ben and I have very different tastes in pizza. He is very daring in his pizza preferences: Canadian bacon and pineapple, meat lovers, and even (gasp!) supreme. The horror, I know. It’s too much for my simple taste to handle, as I only eat pepperoni. But you know what? We always leave the store with a pepperoni pizza. On our way to the checkout the other day Ben jokingly said, “You know, we always get the pizza you want.” It had never occurred to me that each time we get pizza, Ben always keeps in mind that I don’t particularly care for all the toppings he really loves.

Cute, right. I know. But it gets better. As we sat eating our pizza Ben gets up for seconds and he asks if I wanted one or two more slices—but I knew there was only two left. He was offering me the last two when he probably wanted more for himself. “There’s only two left, hun,” I pointed out. “Then you won’t have another one.” I kid you not; he sits down and says, “My love for you is sacrificial.”

That is the kind of love I want to celebrate on Valentine’s Day, because it is a mere shadow of the kind of love that Jesus offers to us all. It is the kind of love that will willingly lay down his life for his lost children. The kind of love that saves us from the death and destruction we so deserve. A kind of love that is so big and so great that I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it. You can read about it below: (taken from Matthew 27 & 28 at www.biblegateway.com , my favorite site ever!)

The Death of Jesus

45 At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o’clock. 46 At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli,[j] lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”[k]

47 Some of the bystanders misunderstood and thought he was calling for the prophet Elijah. 48 One of them ran and filled a sponge with sour wine, holding it up to him on a reed stick so he could drink. 49 But the rest said, “Wait! Let’s see whether Elijah comes to save him.”[l]

50 Then Jesus shouted out again, and he released his spirit. 51 At that moment the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, rocks split apart, 52 and tombs opened. The bodies of many godly men and women who had died were raised from the dead. 53 They left the cemetery after Jesus’ resurrection, went into the holy city of Jerusalem, and appeared to many people.

54 The Roman officer[m] and the other soldiers at the crucifixion were terrified by the earthquake and all that had happened. They said, “This man truly was the Son of God!”

55 And many women who had come from Galilee with Jesus to care for him were watching from a distance. 56 Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary (the mother of James and Joseph), and the mother of James and John, the sons of Zebedee.

The Resurrection

28 Early on Sunday morning,[a] as the new day was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went out to visit the tomb.

2 Suddenly there was a great earthquake! For an angel of the Lord came down from heaven, rolled aside the stone, and sat on it. 3 His face shone like lightning, and his clothing was as white as snow. 4 The guards shook with fear when they saw him, and they fell into a dead faint.

5 Then the angel spoke to the women. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying. 7 And now, go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and he is going ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there. Remember what I have told you.”

8 The women ran quickly from the tomb. They were very frightened but also filled with great joy, and they rushed to give the disciples the angel’s message. 9 And as they went, Jesus met them and greeted them. And they ran to him, grasped his feet, and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t be afraid! Go tell my brothers to leave for Galilee, and they will see me there.”

~

Sacrificial love. That is something worth celebrating!  

Fears, Excitements, and Songs

Hello faithful followers! I haven’t blogged in a while because I’ve been giving you plenty of updates on Facebook. Don’t want to overwhelm you all! But I wanted to take some time and give you all a very special thank you! Because even as this project nears its end, my fears are just starting. Let me explain.

All the work is done. The writing phase has been over for months. The draft I had to read through last week was to catch any grammatical and layout mistakes. I signed a content approval form back in October, and now any changes I feel necessary can’t be made. And I am satisfied with the story after reading through it again. Parts of it I read and have no idea where the words came from—perhaps they are God’s words, not mine. So I can only hope that people do not get hung up on the small details I may have missed, the situations I maybe didn’t do a great job of explaining. That’s a big fear of mine—that people will get hung up on the details that don’t matter. I hope that my readers will be impacted by the gospel message, that they can find healing in Christ’s love.

But I remember back to last winter, back when I was still writing and looking into publishing. My prayer back then was “God, take this project and take it just as far as it needs to go. Change hearts with it.” That’s still my prayer today. When I get worried thinking about the 1000 copies that need to be sold I remember the real goal—to glorify Christ. To reach his lost children. To encourage his faithful followers.

So…your support has been more than encouraging. It has been a blessing straight from God! I am very excited to deliver my book into your hands and finally be able to talk to you all about Molly and the rest of the characters. It’s gonna be great!

One more thing—I am sending in a synopsis of book #2 soon! Since I am already published under Tate I get an author discount, so while the first book is being released we can start work on #2, “An Open Window.” And…I am working on book 3, "Out of the Dust." It is my hope that after reading “Another Ending” you will all fall in love with these characters as I have; then you’ll understand why I just couldn’t let them go. The second and third books are a continuation of their story.

Also, check out these songs. (if you have a ton of time on your hands!) After you read the books you can come back and see just how well they fit with these stories.

"Another Ending":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUAI-L2BENQ  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghgpz0IWV0E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzyouuhzOvA

"An Open Window":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1p-QfgkLow

"Out of the Dust": 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEhRucEVzH8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TScWzIzT8m8

I'll keep ya'll updated.

The Fight Continues

Most of you reading this blog are from the Midwest and have been to a Hy-Vee store before. If you’ve been in one during the past month you know we changed up how we do our gas discounts. And let me tell you…people are NOT happy about it. Every time I go in for work I have at least one customer tell me how much they hate the new fuel saver program and that they won’t be buying gas from Hy-Vee anymore. I just smile politely and apologize, because it wasn’t my idea to start this new deal in the first place and I can do absolutely nothing to change it. But it has started wearing on me…day after day of crabby, unsatisfied customers is definitely not fun to deal with.

It dawned on me today though that it is so easy to pick up out negativity in strangers, or even friends and family, for that matter. I can have thirty happy customers come through my line, thirty people who say hello, chatter politely, and then say thank you and leave with a smile. But when one crabby person comes through my line it sticks with me. I remember them. It bothers me that they had nothing good to say the entire time; that nothing I did was good enough for them. When they leave all I can think is My goodness, you don’t have one pleasant thing to say today??  They let one trip to the grocery store ruin their entire day, when really, in the grand scheme of things, a fuel saver program isn’t going to have that much of an impact on them. Sure, it may inconvenience or frustrate them…but really…they probably have much to be thankful for.

That is the sin in me talking. I stand across the check stand thinking this about them, silently criticizing them for not being grateful for what they have.  But I probably could not keep track of how many times a day I do the same thing.  Here are some of my daily thoughts…

            I pay HOW MUCH to go to this school every year, and yet I STILL can’t ever seem to find a place to park. Fantastic…looks like I’ll be walking half a mile to the dorms once again in the twenty degree weather…in the dark…

            Pasta again? REALLY? The cafeteria can’t come up with something new? Looks like pizza once again today…

            This person can’t drive. I doubt they even have a license. Ever heard of a turn signal, person? You are ruining my life…

            Seriously? You’re not going to text me back. This is your fiancée texting you…what if I was dying???

I could go on.  Regardless of how incredibly blessed I am, I still find something to complain about. And at the same time I stand across from people and send judgment on them for doing the same thing! This is also something Ben and I have been discussing as part of our premarital counseling. I am more often at fault of doing this than Ben is—I neglect to combat my own sin while at the same time jumping in and telling Ben everything that is wrong with him. Most of the time I am guilty of the exact thing I am finding offensive in him. In my selfishness I have always looked over the passage of Matthew 7, thinking it didn’t apply to me as a “good Christian girl.” I could not have been more wrong! So, this passage has been on my heart for the past couple of weeks, and to make up for all the lost time skipping it over and refusing to take it to heart, I am taking a hard look at it now and making an effort to put it into action:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you notice the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but you do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is a log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

I think many people misread this passage, or rather, don’t read far enough. Many people are quick to point out that the Bibles says not to judge, which it clearly does, as seen in the passage above. But if you keep reading, it says that once we have taken the log out of our own eyes, then we will be able to take the speck out of our brother’s eyes. I take this passage to mean that first I must combat my own sin, and then I can help my fellow brother or sister in Christ combat theirs. It certainly does not mean standing across from them and saying, “I worked on my sin, now you work on yours! I learned to be thankful for my beautiful life, now you be thankful for yours!” Perhaps a better way to do this is to make a conscious effort to praise God for my beautiful life…work on verbalizing my praise and subtracting the complaints. Isn’t it easier to praise alongside of someone? It is certainly easy to complain alongside someone, so it will probably have the same effect. It’s something I’m trying out, anyway. I wish my daily thoughts went more like this…

            God gave you two legs for a reason. Walking from this upper parking lot to your dorm won’t kill you. And it’s giving you a chance to enjoy this beautiful, clear night.

            You have such a wide array of food to choose from. There will soon come a time in your life when you will wish someone put out five different options of food and then cleaned up after you. Enjoy this while you can…

            This person driving in front of me is a child of God. They are loved dearly, who am I to criticize them?

            Whatever you are doing right now, it is for a purpose. I know you will text me back when you get the chance. Clearly I am not dying and I can wait a few hours to talk to you!

That would be great. And I’m trying! I fail daily at it, but I am fighting it. I have a beautiful life—I have been blessed far beyond what I can imagine. I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around how good God has been to me. I see people all around me going through storms and hardships, and I wonder why that is. Why is this life so hard for others, and yet others seem to just walk on through? I have been through my share of storms, and the threat of one is never far off, but still. Compared to some, I have it pretty easy. I want to realize now, while I am in the midst of the calm, that God is good and that no matter what he is there, he is providing. So I will continue to fight so that when the storms do come, I’ll be ready. 

Braggin' Up My Man

Tonight Ben and I are “celebrating” one year of engagement. I use the word “celebrate” loosely, however, because we have found our long engagement to be a really good thing, and a really bad thing. I advise all my friends who are in serious relationships to really talk about marriage and to make a plan of when the ideal time to get married is, and then to plan accordingly. Long engagements are tough. From the beginning I wanted to jump right in and begin planning and making decisions, but because I had 18 months to get stuff done it wasn’t realistic. We’ve had to wait until just recently to really nail down some decisions, because we weren’t able to do so with the wedding date so far in the future. But we’re finally getting to the end, people! Only six more months to go J

Aside from not being able to do all the things I wanted to do from the get go and the sheer frustration of having to wait over 500 days to get married, it hasn’t been all bad. We started marriage counseling in October, which we’ve always looked forward to, but I’ve found myself enjoying it more than I thought I would. I’ve been able to take a step back from both the bad and the good and really focus on what this whole thing is about. And it’s deepening my appreciation for the man I love on a daily basis, and I want to share that experience with you all.

Those of you who know Ben well will not be surprised to hear that he is a very romantic person. He has a very caring, compassionate heart that he shares with everyone on a daily basis, so it makes sense that in our relationship he’d take that to the next level. It’s like he’s really taken to heart what the Lord said in Genesis 2: 18. God has just created the entire world—all the animals and of course, Adam. After he creates each creature, he declares it to be good. Except in Adam’s case. The Lord says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”  So God brings all the creatures he has made and brings them to Adam, but he still feels that none of these are suitable helpers. Finally, the Lord made a woman from Adam’s rib, and he brought her to him. Adam’s reaction always makes me chuckle: “At last! This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh. She will be called Woman, because she was taken from man.”

Let me clarify when I say that Ben has taken this passage to heart. I don’t mean that he walks around all the time telling everyone that without me he isn’t good. But I think he has realized just how important it is to share life with another. He’s realized, just like I have, that it isn’t good to be alone! It is a blessing to share a life of love, and he treats it like a blessing. Recently I read the Nicholas Sparks book “The Wedding,” which is about a man looking back on all the ways he failed his wife. Upon realizing this, he sets out to win back his wife. It’s a touching story, and it makes me thankful for the man I do have…a man who makes romance a priority, who doesn’t want to look back on his life and regret not saying how he felt or taking the time to be spontaneously romantic. I know that many wives, fiancées, and girlfriends do not experience this in their relationships, and that makes me sad. Being romanced is one of the best feelings in the world—it communicates to me that Ben is willing to do a little extra work, put a little extra thought, into showing me that he loves me. So…I am going to take this opportunity to brag up my man a little bit. This isn’t to cause jealousy in any one else’s relationship, but if you know that romance is missing in your life, I hope you do something to change that. Don’t just sit back and wait for your guy to have some life-changing epiphany about his failure to romance you. It is unrealistic to expect that from anyone. If it bothers you, bring it up gently. Pray about it. Romance is important…so fight for it.

Ben tells me every single day that he loves me. I am so used to this that most of the time I don’t even think about what a big deal this is. It’s a huge deal. I know that too many people question whether or not their spouse loves them because they never hear it. To hear it every single day is a blessing. He also compliments me on a daily basis, which again, I too often take for granted. But as a woman what other people think of me very much influences how I think about myself, and fortunately, I have a pretty positive self-view. I have Ben to thank for much of that, as rarely does a week pass that Ben doesn’t tell me that I’m pretty or that I make him laugh. I’m not trying to puff myself up here; I just want you all to know how important this is to me. To have someone stop everything they’re doing, look you straight in the eyes and say, “I think you’re beautiful,” causes those little flutters to fly every time. I can’t even imagine being in a relationship with someone who didn’t compliment. I’m not saying that we should constantly be looking and fishing for compliments…but to hear someone say something like that is a reassurance. We always want to feel like we’re enough, we want to feel desirable. What better way to feel desirable than to be complimented?

Ben lets people know he loves me. This is a side of romance I don’t really get to see or hear from him; I hear it from other people. When he introduces me to someone for the first time I usually hear some form of “Oh, I’ve just heard so many good things about you. Ben talks about you all the time.” I love that other people know he loves me. I love that he tells his co-workers all the silly things I do. I love that he posts sappy things on my Facebook wall (I know some people hate this but get over it! We like each other, and we’re getting married. J). If he never talked about me, it would worry me. But the fact that he can’t shut up about me makes me happy.

My family always makes fun of me around Christmas time because of my extreme hatred for the “un-thoughtful” gift aisle in Walmart. You know, that aisle with all the pre-wrapped, “I-didn’t-have-to-do-one-shred-of-thinking- about” gifts? I advised Ben very early on to never get me one of those gifts, as I would be very disappointed! I want gifts to be personal; I want them to mean something. Picking out a perfume and lotion set doesn’t take much thought! I am pleased to inform you all that Ben has generally done an excellent job with gift giving. (Aside from one tragic birthday…I will not go into details because all has been forgiven. J) Most of the time I go “Awww” when I open up a gift from him. When I turned 17 Ben gave me a pink fishing pole and a personalized tackle box—very thoughtful. Last year, when I was in the beginning stages of pursuing publishing my book, Ben had my manuscript printed and bound for me, encouraging me to go for it. Those are just a few of the good gifts he’s given me, and he surprises me with little gifts throughout the years, too. Be it flowers of my favorite cookies, it always means so much more than he knows.

I want to always appreciate this about my husband-to-be. It is so easy to look at all the flaws people possess; it is far more difficult to appreciate the good. Even the small things—like the fact that he holds my hand every time we walk somewhere together, or that he opens doors for me—they are often the most important, because when he does them, he is communicating that he loves me. In order to love him back I hold on to his hand tightly and thank him for his thoughtfulness. I let him know that his efforts to romance do not go unnoticed. I thank him often. And I thank God for blessing me with a man whom I know I do not deserve.