Lessons in Less than Ideal Circumstances

Last week I had so many great plans for the weekend. Right now Ben and his groomsmen are spending the weekend camping for his bachelor party, and I planned on staying up in Sioux Falls to get some things done. I was going to finish up some shopping. I was going to sit and assemble the rest of the ceremony programs. I was going to clean the whole apartment. But, here I sit in Yankton. Getting absolutely nothing done. For the past two days all I’ve done is sleep, drink water and Gatorade, and lay around. Here’s why:

I work at an after-school and summer program. Right now my hours are 6:30-3:30 Monday through Friday. On Thursday morning I got up and right away felt a little sick. Not sick enough to call in…actually I wished I felt sicker so that I could call in sick! Those hours start to wear on me and being with 40 kids all day is slightly overwhelming. Breaks are nice. I went to work despite feeling not quite like myself, and by 9:30 I knew I was done for. I have my lunch break from 10-11 and I called my boss when I made it back to the apartment to let her know that I wouldn’t be coming back. I then collapsed into bed…not even realizing that for the entire week I had not been hydrating properly. The day before (Wednesday) I had spent two and a half hours outside with the kids, and I hadn’t drank much at all that day. Even when I got home on Thursday I didn’t drink anything. I just didn’t think about it.

Ben stopped by the apartment for his lunch break at 12:00, and by that time I was pretty bad. I was so nauseous, and just generally felt awful. And that’s when my hands started locking up on me—the start of my panic attack. I didn’t even realize what was happening…all of a sudden I couldn’t move my fingers, and I freaked. On the advice of Ben’s mom we headed to the E.R. and the doctor knew right away that I was having a panic attack. While we worked on calming me down and loosening my fingers, I got hooked up to fluids and was given potassium (which I was extremely low on). Ben and I got to chill in the E.R. for a couple hours while the fluids dripped in and while we waited for the blood and urine test to come back. When they did I had to go in for a CT scan because the doctor suspected a bladder infection, and he was worried about my appendix. Perfect timing right? We’ve been engaged for 18 months and my body decides to get super sick 9 days before the wedding???

Luckily I had neither of those things. I was just extremely dehydrated and overwhelmed. The doctor and nurses explained what to do should I start to have another panic attack, and they gave me a prescription for antibiotics and sent us on our way. We then decided that I shouldn’t go to work the next day, even though I was feeling better. Ben had taken Friday off to head down to Yankton for the camping trip, and he didn’t want to leave me alone. So I called my boss and told her I hoped to be back on Monday and we headed down to Yankton, where my family has been taking good care of me while Ben and his groomsmen enjoy the lovely rain and wind on their camping trip J

I’m not in the clear though…my fever has been up and down for the last 48 hours. At its highest it was 103. Yuck. I’ve been taking Tylenol like a fool and it helps, but once it wears off it climbs back up. So frustrating. I haven’t taken one for quite a while and as of now my temperature is normal, so I’m cautiously optimistic. I took a trip to the clinic earlier today because at 5:00 this morning it was back up at 101, and the doctor told me I had tonsillitis…which I’ve had before and know to be one of the worse things to have. Swallowing water is painful with tonsillitis. It’s not fun, people. Not fun at all. But because I’m on antibiotics they really couldn’t do anything, and just told me to come back if the high fevers hadn’t gone away by Monday. So we shall see! I have another two days of lying flat on my back ahead of me—which oddly enough is so not appealing to me! I find it funny that so much of the time all we want is to be able to lay around all day and do nothing. But when we get sick and can’t do anything but lay around we get frustrated. I’m definitely frustrated.

But…perhaps this is a lesson I just needed to learn. I had all these plans laid out for my weekend. All these things that I just wanted to get done and check off my list. That’s how I live my life. Everything is on a list—I just want to check things off and move on. Make everything perfect. The wedding is definitely one of those things. I have a HUGE list, and I love checking things off and making everything perfect. But just like this weekend, not everything is going to go as planned. I won’t get everything done. It won’t all be perfect. Something will go wrong! But it’s okay. With this sickness, I simply have to deal with it first and move on from there. The things on my list will eventually get done, and everything will be fine. With the wedding, when those little crises break out, we’re just going to have to remember what the whole day is about. It’s not about making everything perfect and putting on a good show. It’s about marrying the one my soul has been waiting my entire life for. So even though this darn flu is inconvenient, it’s taught me a good lesson. I’m thankful that in the midst of chaos there is always something to learn!      

The Reason Why

In 27 days my whole world is going to change. I will live in a new place. I will have a new name. I will have a new title. I will have new responsibilities and expectations placed on me. That’s a lot of changes to get accustomed to! Am I freaking out? Not really. Know why? Because I have the world’s best role model who showed me how to handle all of those things all the years of my life. I call her Mom.

My mother was one of the best pictures of Jesus I had growing up, because she modeled sacrificial love to all of her kids every single day. It says in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down in life for his friends,” and in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  My mom modeled both of these verses daily, because she was constantly sacrificing so her kids could have the best of everything. Sometimes it was simple things, like turning the channel from the episode of “Little House on the Prairie” that she really wanted to watch to “Richard Scarry’s Busytown” or “Blue’s Clues”—shows she had most likely seen every single episode about five times and probably wanted to pull her hair out if she had to watch them again. Did I ever hear her complain about it though? Sure didn’t. She changed the channel willingly because she loved us.

Sometimes the sacrifice is bigger. My sister Katie and I both felt called to invest in a private, Christian education—an education with a hefty price tag. While we had both worked part-time jobs and saved money for college while in high school, we still needed help, and my mom was able to supplement when things got tight because of the long hours she worked and continues to work.  Sacrificing time and money is a hard thing to repay, and I hope my Mom knows how much we both appreciate her willingness to work long hours so we can have a good future.

I could go on and on and give countless examples of how my Mom has sacrificed so that her kids could benefit. If you spend any amount of time with her, you know one of her love languages is giving gifts—be it time, money, and especially love—it just overflows from her heart. That’s why she was in the audience for every single school performance any of us kids were in. Every “Writer’s Round Table,” school concert and play, every soccer, volleyball and basketball game, every cross country and track meet. It’s why her amazingly loud whistle could be heard after all of those performances. It’s why she was jumping up and down on the sidelines as I raced by. It’s why she willingly hugged my smelly, sweaty body at the finish line of every race.  She loves better than anyone I know because she does it when it’s not convenient, and that is a priceless lesson she has given me.

She is why when we moved Ben into our new apartment, every floor was scrubbed and every inch of the place was dusted and cleaned. She is why there is a good, home-cooked meal on the table most nights of the week and why there is constantly a candle burning somewhere in our new place.

She is the reason I am able to love. Because she showed me Christ’s love through her actions, Christ’s love is in me, and it’s why I am confident in my soon to be role as wife and the role of mother I hope the play in the years to come. Because of her willingness to sacrifice so many things for us, I can walk confidently into an unknown future. And when that future unfolds and brings about bumps and hardships, she will be there, because she is fiercely loyal and full of love.

I am thankful for that.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? She is far more precious than jewels...Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. Her sons rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also praises her: Many women are capable, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised."

Proverbs 31:10, 25-30 

A little blurb on this snowy day

Happy April! I just love the warm spring weather we’re having, don’t you?

Wishful thinking. While we’re longing for chirping birds and sunshiny days, we get snow instead. But snow now holds something special for me, and it’s because of my new book, Another Ending. Snow is a very important symbol in my novel, and I can’t help but smile when we get snow now. So, I thought I would share a little blurb from the book, for those who still haven’t gotten a chance to read it. And check out my new book trailer afterwards!

~

The tears that were streaming down my face as I ran down the street mixed with the pelting rain, making my skin feel raw. My hair stuck to me, and though I should have been freezing in that awful rain, my whole body felt like it was on fire. Every step I took was beyond painful, and my lungs were burning, screaming for me to stop running. I kept pushing until my body simply couldn’t go another step, and I fell to my knees right there in the middle of the road. In the dark houses that lined the street, I knew everyone was dreaming peacefully, completely unaware that my life had been ruined in one short night.

            I clutched my stomach and dry heaved for what seemed like an eternity until my body purged everything out of my stomach. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and collapsed again in the street, still heaving and sobbing. I let the rain fall on me. I wanted to die.

            Somehow, I managed to pull myself up and make my way home. I don’t remember reading street signs or keeping track of where I was; I just let my brain lead me home. Tanner’s light was on in his bedroom, and I suddenly realized that I hadn’t told my parents when I would be home, and by now, it was midnight. The house was dark, but I snuck in through my window as quietly as I could to avoid waking anyone up.

            I was never more grateful for my own bathroom. I stripped my filthy clothes off  me, and it was then I saw the blood running down my leg. I choked, horrified. I needed to destroy all of this later, but for now, I threw them behind my bathroom door. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror and wanted to break the glass when I saw the dirty, worthless girl staring back at me. My hair was soaking wet and tangled, my lips swollen from the crushing force of Jason’s kisses, and my eyes red from crying. My eyes were hollow. Dead.

I turned away and pulled back the shower curtain. I turned the water on as hot as I could stand and let the warmth run over my tender body. I washed the blood away and scrubbed down every inch on my body, every spot Jason had touched and violated. I winced from the pain. Being a virgin certainly hadn’t helped me tonight, and I felt broken from the force Jason had used.

            When the water started running cold, I still stood there. My body wash was half gone from the dozens of times I scrubbed my body, and yet, I felt as dirty as ever. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me; its fuzzy warmth offering me no solace. I rubbed my body and hair as dry as I could and pulled on the warmest, most cozy pajamas I owned. A pair Tanner had given me last Christmas.

            I stood in the middle of my room, unsure what to do next. I was exhausted and wanted to curl up into my bed and sleep this nightmare away, but I longed for company. I wanted my mom, but there was no way I was going to wake her because I couldn’t tell her what happened. No one could ever know. I glanced out the window and saw that Tanner’s night was off. It was just after 1:00 a.m. But his words came ringing back to me. “If he hurts you, Molly, you know I’ll kill him. You can come to me if he does. I’ll always be here.” Before I knew what was happening, I was out of my window and sliding his open.

            I stood awkwardly beside his bed and looked down at his sleeping form. His tousled blond hair was splayed out on the pillow. He looked so peaceful. I sniffed and turned around, painfully aware of how bad an idea this was. Tanner had tried so hard to prevent this type of thing from happening. I had no right to come crying back to him.

            “Molly?” he called out sleepily. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “What are you—are you okay?” Instantly awake after sensing I was in trouble, he threw the covers back and padded over to me. He was just wearing shorts, and I was feeling awkward, but he didn’t care. He pulled me into his arms, and I let the tears fall.

            “Can I spend the night?” I hiccupped.

            “Sure, Moll,” he said without question and led me to his bed where I snuggled up against his warm, broad chest. He wiped the tears from my eyes and waited for me to explain myself. When I didn’t, he gently asked me what happened.

            I almost told him. But just as I opened my mouth, I remembered Jason’s words. No one would believe me. Especially not Tanner who saw right through me and knew that I was just playing this little game with Jason because I got some weird thrill out of going against his and Kristina’s wishes. 

            “Jason broke up with me,” I lied. “Told me he wasn’t ready for commitment.” I sniffed, tears coursing down my face. Tanner stroked my damp hair, but he didn’t say anything. I knew he was probably feeling relief because I was free from Jason’s clutches. He didn’t know, however, that Jason was now holding me hostage inside myself. I couldn’t escape from what he had done; I couldn’t tell anyone. He had me completely trapped.

            After a few minutes of silence, Tanner tilted my head up to his and looked me straight in the eye. “He doesn’t know what he’s giving up,” he said simply. No “I told you so” or “you’re better off without him.” He lightly kissed my hair and continued stroking. I felt my eyelids getting heavy, recognizing that sleep was about to claim me. I thought I heard him whisper “I love you,” but sleep was dragging me down, and I didn’t know if I’d actually heard it.

            I woke up countless times that night in extreme panic. Each time Tanner shushed me until the visions of Jason’s cruel eyes disappeared from view. I would snap out of it, see Tanner’s concerned face searching my eyes, and I would relax into his strong arms again. He’d kiss my head and settle me back against his body.

            In the morning, I awoke with my cheek pressed against his bare chest, my arm flung across his body. His arms held me safe and warm, but I still felt alone and empty. I felt the tears coming back, but I squeezed them away. I didn’t want Tanner to see me crying and think I was upset over losing Jason. I wanted him to think I had finally seen his point of view that Jason wasn’t worth my time, and I was better off without him.

            Tanner’s eyes fluttered open and he gave me a little smile. His hair stuck out in all different directions, looking as adorable as ever. Too bad I hadn’t realized what a catch Tanner was before; I could have avoided this whole mess if Tanner and I were together. But I was so incredibly grateful that I had come over last night. It would have been absolute torture to endure that night without his quiet strength to calm me.

            “Morning,” he said as he pushed the hair out of my eyes. I winced a little because that’s what Jason had done to me the night before.

            “Morning,” I said back and sat up. Suddenly, I was painfully aware of the fact that I was only wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants. I hugged my arms around my chest. “I should get back,” I said softly. “My parents will think I was out all night with Jason if they find me gone from my room.”

            “Yeah, okay,” Tanner said. “You gonna be all right? Need me to come over later?” The tightness returned to my throat as I looked into the eyes of my best friend. He had just watched me waltz around for the past two months with a guy he didn’t like, rejecting his feelings for me as if they didn’t matter at all. He’d seen me at my lowest point ever and held me as nightmares terrorized me the whole night through. He saw me crying about this guy he thought I still liked, and yet, he still wanted to be with me. To make sure I was all right.

            I did not deserve this boy. Not after last night. Not after how I let some jerk dupe me and steal my most precious gift—my virginity. I was dirty and unworthy of Tanner.

            “I’ll text you if I need you,” I said, offering him the best smile I could muster.

            “All right,” he said. I started to walk away, but Tanner called out, “Wait.”

I turned around, and he walked after me, pulling me into another hug, and kissing my head over and over again. “It’ll be all right, Moll. Today’s a new day. We’ll get through this. Promise.”

            I knew it wouldn’t be that easy, that I was never going to get over this. But  I’d have to somehow make him believe in a few days though that I was fine. That I was over Jason and moving on with my life.

            “Hey look,” he said and pointed outside. “Snow.”

            How ironic, I thought. Last night, I had wished for snow, for the fresh new promise that seemed to come with snow. As if the world were covered in purity and goodness. A promise of a new beginning, a fresh start.

Today didn’t feel like a fresh start though. It felt like the beginning of a prison that was just starting to close in on me. It was a deep pit, something I’d struggle to climb out of for years to come. There was no new beginning for me in this snowfall. This was an ending.

~

Please let me know if you want a copy! I would love to get you a signed copy. And remember that Mother’s Day is quickly approaching—this book would make a great gift. Thanks again for your support!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgEyAV02zEU

New Project

The Year of Jubilee.

That is the tentative title of my third book. (Titles are hard! I change my mind a lot and always think something better is out there. We’ll see if this one sticks!) Technically it is the fourth project that I started, but out of the blue the other week I had this deep desire to halt work on my current project, Out of the Dust, to continue on with the main character’s story from the first two books—Molly Taylor. (I’m actually waffling on titles for that one too! Right now it is between Out of the Dust and A Firm Foundation. I’m hoping that as I get further into it the story will mold the title—it usually does.)

I am beyond excited to begin work on this new project. I always get super energized at the beginning of a new book, but I am even more thrilled with this one. If you read my first book, Another Ending, you know I write about some deep stuff. Hard stuff. Yucky stuff that night even make your stomach hurt when you put yourself into the character’s shoes and imagine what it might feel like to be in their situation. My writing is emotionally based—I cannot tell you how many comments I receive from people who say they really, truly felt like they were experiencing the same emotions as the characters. As a writer, that makes my heart so happy! From the get-go it was my goal to draw people in with the real life emotions of the characters, and now that it is happening I just can’t get a handle on it. I cannot thank God enough for allowing me to be able to do so. And since I know it worked with book one, get ready for more of the same with book two—An Open Window. (An Open Window will go into production in June, by the way, which will make it available right around Christmastime. Yay!) Grab the Kleenexes beforehand, folks. This one might draw some tears out of you as well. I won’t give away any plot details because so many have not read the first book yet, but I will say that the issues in this book are not the same nature—I took a step back from the intense issues of sexual abuse, abortion, and sexual promiscuity and focused on some equally as important issues. But it probably won’t give you the same yucky feeling in the pit of your stomach—you’ll feel sad, and frustrated, and maybe even a little mad. But I don’t think you’ll feel the same level of desperation as you might have with the first one. (Good or bad, I don’t know J )

Originally I was going to stop Molly’s story after the second book. You are all going to love what happens to her, and it would satisfy many of you not to know any more of what happens to her. But at the same time, Molly has become a dear friend to me. I hope she becomes a dear friend to you as well. That being said, I wasn’t quite ready to leave her behind, and God graciously provided me with an extended story for her.

And it is an extremely hard story to write. I’m even a tiny bit mad at God for putting this particular story in my mind, because even thinking about it makes me heart feel heavy. I don’t want to put my dear friend through even more pain, but I’m going to do it anyway. Because the symbolism that comes out of Molly’s struggles is very powerful, (I hope!) so even though it pains me to hurt her, I’m going to do it so that the story of God’s wonderful love is made clear to people who desperately need to hear it.  

Maybe you don’t know what the Year of Jubilee is. I don’t really either. I’m still trying to fully comprehend it. (I’m going to have to stop writing here pretty quick and do some more in depth research. Perks of being a writer—research! Yay!) But here is a couple of verses from Leviticus to give you a very basic idea of what to expect:

"Then on the Day of Atonement in the fiftieth year, blow the ram's horn loud and long throughout the land. Set this year apart as holy, a time to proclaim freedom throughout the land for all who live there. It will be a jubilee year for you, when each of you may return to the land that belonged to your ancestors and return to your own clan. This fiftieth year will be a jubilee for you." ~ Leviticus 25:9-11

Freedom. That’s all you need to know right now.

Prayers always appreciated. (I’m only four pages into it right now, but it’s never too early to start praying for the words to change hearts!)

Sara

P.S.

Some of you might only recognize the phrase “the year of jubilee from this song. Take a listen below J

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s4hkcZhfqQ

Still need a copy of Another Ending? You can order it right here: http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-62510-420-5

Mother’s Day is approaching…this would be a great gift to give! 

Life is Crazy and Fun: Exciting Updates

Time to fill you all in on some exciting details! Most of you know that my book Another Ending is finally in my hands—and I am eager to get it into yours. That is what I have been focusing on for the last few weeks. I’ve been busy selling to people who’ve been patiently waiting for its release and scheduling events to get the book straight into the hands of my target audience. But as more and more people have been reading my book I am finding out that my target audience is much bigger than I ever thought. In fact, I’m not really sure I can say I have a target audience anymore! My publishing house would argue with me on that, and to some degree it is a very good idea to have a target audience—it makes marketing that much easier. I am able to seek out specific places that my target audience hangs out and get the book right to them. So, if I had to narrow it down to a group the book would best cater to, I would say young adults, specifically young women.

But many of the people who’ve read my book so far don’t fall into that category. And yet the feedback from those people has blown my mind. This isn’t a story just for teenage girls—it may be about a teenage girl, but think about your own life. You are surrounded by people of different circumstances, just as my main character Molly is. She has younger siblings, parents, friends, and people much older than her in her life, influencing her. So even though this story is mainly about her, it’s also about those other groups, and in that way I am able to reach a much bigger group of people. I hope mothers reading this story realize the power they have over their children. I hope fathers see just how important it is for them to verbalize and demonstrate love to their children. I hope teenagers see just how important their friendships are to their friends, and how words can deeply affect, deeply wound, the people they really love.  I hope Christians can see how their good intentions sometimes come off as harsh and hurtful as they struggle to figure out how to love the lost around them. I hope non-Christians can see the mind-blowing, completely amazing love that God has for them. I hope that everyone can see that love!

Originally this project started as a mission to educate people about the side- effects of abortion; about how even in circumstances such as rape it can still haunt and deeply hurt women. And there are still traces of that in this story, but I realized that if I wanted to reach beyond my target audience I couldn’t have the main focus of my story be this sensitive issue. This isn’t about making people feel guilty or changing their stance on abortion. It is about a broken, hurting girl who runs away from the God she has loved for her entire life because she feels he has let her down. It is about asking tough questions and realizing that that’s okay!  It’s a story of brokenness, because we are all broken! Ultimately, this is a story about Jesus—about how he can take all us broken people through his refining fire and make us strong and beautiful.

Some of my readers, however, were pretty upset about a certain aspect of my book. (You know who you are!) So while I say it’s a story about Jesus, I know that at the end of this first book many of you will be left a tiny bit unsatisfied, because it’s still a story about Molly. This isn’t a “bubble gum” ending. It might not end the way you want it to. But fear not….because on Thursday I signed the contract for my second book, An Open Window, which is a continuation of Molly’s story. I am so excited to share with you later on the reasoning behind the name of this book. It works out soooooo perfectly, it is almost scary. I get excited just thinking about it. So while I am in the midst of marketing my first book and hosting pre-release parties and book signings, I will begin production on the second one. Makes logical sense to start working on a third one right? Way ahead of you, friends! As of a few days ago I am 88 pages (about 40,000 words) into the third one, Out of the Dust. (I had to stop writing the third one to start formatting my second book’s manuscript, which is killing me because it’s getting to the good part!) There are NOT enough hours in my day to get all this stuff done. J

For those of you who haven’t had a chance to get a book or maybe just aren’t sure if you want to invest your time and money into it, I encourage you to visit my website and check it out for yourself: http://sarawhitley.tateauthor.com/ This book would be a great way to reach out to any hurting family members or friends in your life, as it includes a clear presentation of the gospel. I sincerely hope that it can touch your heart, encourage and inspire you. If it does, pass it on.

And for those of you who are angry that you have to wait six-eight months for the second one….check out my blog on my author website, which is linked here http://sarawhitley.tateauthor.com/blog/ . I might have posted the prologue for my second book J

Dates to put in your calendar:

·        March 2^nd: pre-release party at University of Sioux Falls, Cleveland Center room 106B, 2:00-5:00 pm.

·        March 16^th: pre-release party at Rexall Drug in Yankton, SD. Time TBA

·        May 28^th: My book will be available in national distribution! So you can tell all your friends to go out and get themselves a copy.

What a pre-release party is:

            A time for you to meet the author, buy a book if you want (for you and for all your friends!) eat food, and talk to me and other guest about the book. It will be a fun time.

What a book signing is:

            Pretty much the same thing, only in a bookstore setting. Pre-release parties are a chance for me to sell the personal copies that I have bought, while a book signing is a partnership with bookstores. But it is more of the same thing: meet the author, buy books, talk to other readers. Eat food J

Please make plans to join me for these fun events, and TELL YOUR FRIENDS! If you read the book and enjoyed it this is a great time to get copies into their hands. Or if you’ve been wanting a copy, come and get a signed one! It is a good deal all around, and I appreciate your support! 

Sacrificial Love

I really dislike Valentine’s Day.

It’s not because I had some bad experience with Valentine’s Day—I’ve never had my heart broken or had anything traumatic happen to me on this day. It’s just the cheapness of it all. The absolute disgusting display of red, pink, and purple. The giant, hideous teddy bears that sit on the shelves of every store. The endless boxes of candy on display. I just can’t stand it all.

I don’t like that this day makes those not in a relationship feel lonely. Or even worse, that it makes them feel like they need to be in a relationship, that something is wrong with them because they’re not in one. That might be why so many young people idolize love and romance and miss out on the best relationship they can have—a relationship with Jesus. Instead, they worship the cheap version of love that Valentine’s Day portrays. Most of them don’t even know what kind of love they’re missing out on, and oh, it’s the best kind of love out there.

Sacrificial love.

The other day Ben and I were out getting a pizza from Hy-Vee. Now, to normal people this would be an easy thing to do. But Ben and I have very different tastes in pizza. He is very daring in his pizza preferences: Canadian bacon and pineapple, meat lovers, and even (gasp!) supreme. The horror, I know. It’s too much for my simple taste to handle, as I only eat pepperoni. But you know what? We always leave the store with a pepperoni pizza. On our way to the checkout the other day Ben jokingly said, “You know, we always get the pizza you want.” It had never occurred to me that each time we get pizza, Ben always keeps in mind that I don’t particularly care for all the toppings he really loves.

Cute, right. I know. But it gets better. As we sat eating our pizza Ben gets up for seconds and he asks if I wanted one or two more slices—but I knew there was only two left. He was offering me the last two when he probably wanted more for himself. “There’s only two left, hun,” I pointed out. “Then you won’t have another one.” I kid you not; he sits down and says, “My love for you is sacrificial.”

That is the kind of love I want to celebrate on Valentine’s Day, because it is a mere shadow of the kind of love that Jesus offers to us all. It is the kind of love that will willingly lay down his life for his lost children. The kind of love that saves us from the death and destruction we so deserve. A kind of love that is so big and so great that I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it. You can read about it below: (taken from Matthew 27 & 28 at www.biblegateway.com , my favorite site ever!)

The Death of Jesus

45 At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o’clock. 46 At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli,[j] lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”[k]

47 Some of the bystanders misunderstood and thought he was calling for the prophet Elijah. 48 One of them ran and filled a sponge with sour wine, holding it up to him on a reed stick so he could drink. 49 But the rest said, “Wait! Let’s see whether Elijah comes to save him.”[l]

50 Then Jesus shouted out again, and he released his spirit. 51 At that moment the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, rocks split apart, 52 and tombs opened. The bodies of many godly men and women who had died were raised from the dead. 53 They left the cemetery after Jesus’ resurrection, went into the holy city of Jerusalem, and appeared to many people.

54 The Roman officer[m] and the other soldiers at the crucifixion were terrified by the earthquake and all that had happened. They said, “This man truly was the Son of God!”

55 And many women who had come from Galilee with Jesus to care for him were watching from a distance. 56 Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary (the mother of James and Joseph), and the mother of James and John, the sons of Zebedee.

The Resurrection

28 Early on Sunday morning,[a] as the new day was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went out to visit the tomb.

2 Suddenly there was a great earthquake! For an angel of the Lord came down from heaven, rolled aside the stone, and sat on it. 3 His face shone like lightning, and his clothing was as white as snow. 4 The guards shook with fear when they saw him, and they fell into a dead faint.

5 Then the angel spoke to the women. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying. 7 And now, go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and he is going ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there. Remember what I have told you.”

8 The women ran quickly from the tomb. They were very frightened but also filled with great joy, and they rushed to give the disciples the angel’s message. 9 And as they went, Jesus met them and greeted them. And they ran to him, grasped his feet, and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t be afraid! Go tell my brothers to leave for Galilee, and they will see me there.”

~

Sacrificial love. That is something worth celebrating!  

Fears, Excitements, and Songs

Hello faithful followers! I haven’t blogged in a while because I’ve been giving you plenty of updates on Facebook. Don’t want to overwhelm you all! But I wanted to take some time and give you all a very special thank you! Because even as this project nears its end, my fears are just starting. Let me explain.

All the work is done. The writing phase has been over for months. The draft I had to read through last week was to catch any grammatical and layout mistakes. I signed a content approval form back in October, and now any changes I feel necessary can’t be made. And I am satisfied with the story after reading through it again. Parts of it I read and have no idea where the words came from—perhaps they are God’s words, not mine. So I can only hope that people do not get hung up on the small details I may have missed, the situations I maybe didn’t do a great job of explaining. That’s a big fear of mine—that people will get hung up on the details that don’t matter. I hope that my readers will be impacted by the gospel message, that they can find healing in Christ’s love.

But I remember back to last winter, back when I was still writing and looking into publishing. My prayer back then was “God, take this project and take it just as far as it needs to go. Change hearts with it.” That’s still my prayer today. When I get worried thinking about the 1000 copies that need to be sold I remember the real goal—to glorify Christ. To reach his lost children. To encourage his faithful followers.

So…your support has been more than encouraging. It has been a blessing straight from God! I am very excited to deliver my book into your hands and finally be able to talk to you all about Molly and the rest of the characters. It’s gonna be great!

One more thing—I am sending in a synopsis of book #2 soon! Since I am already published under Tate I get an author discount, so while the first book is being released we can start work on #2, “An Open Window.” And…I am working on book 3, "Out of the Dust." It is my hope that after reading “Another Ending” you will all fall in love with these characters as I have; then you’ll understand why I just couldn’t let them go. The second and third books are a continuation of their story.

Also, check out these songs. (if you have a ton of time on your hands!) After you read the books you can come back and see just how well they fit with these stories.

"Another Ending":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUAI-L2BENQ  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghgpz0IWV0E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzyouuhzOvA

"An Open Window":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1p-QfgkLow

"Out of the Dust": 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEhRucEVzH8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TScWzIzT8m8

I'll keep ya'll updated.