Learning is Messy

I love learning. Making new discoveries. I got to help some of my students feel the thrill that follows after something finally clicks inside your brain, and I was honored to be a part of their learning. To those of you who know me best it might come as a shock to know that I helped them with their math homework. Math has never been a strong subject for me—many tears were shed during my k-12 years over confusing math homework. Helping kids make sense of something I have struggled with myself was even better! I was better able to sympathize with their frustrations and encourage them to keep trying, because the feeling of accomplishment that follows is always worth the hard work.

I’m experiencing something similar in my own life, completely unrelated to math. (Thank goodness I am done with that part of my life!)

To my women readers: correct me if I’m wrong, but does it seem like we are wired to compare ourselves to others? Growing up (and as adults!) we compare our bodies to others, we compare our academic performances, we compete against each other in sports, and there just seems to be an undercurrent of “I need to be the best. I need to be better than her.” Maybe it’s just me. I know I struggled with this issues as a teenager, but not to the extent that I am now. Now that I am married, getting to the end of my college career, and have my own place, the desire to “be the best” seems to have tripled in my life. I find jealousy welling up in me because of the most ridiculous things—people getting engaged makes me want to go back in time to that exciting time of dreaming and planning. People posting their wedding photos makes me want to go back to my wedding day and experience that tremendous joy all over again. Even things like scrolling through Pinterest and seeing all the cute and clever things that people find can cause jealousy! (I was almost too ashamed to write that! How ridiculous!) I can be really hard on myself for these feelings, but these last few weeks have been such an encouragement to me.

I’ve been going to a Bible study at my church where we’ve been studying Jesus’s parables, and it has been so eye opening and wonderful. The leader shared a bit of her own struggles with comparison as she told me about the jealousy she feels when she visits other people’s houses and sees their decorations. She shared that she’s always thinking about “the next thing” she needs to make her house complete. The sad thing is, though, that “the next thing” is never the last thing. There’s always something else that fills in that spot, and we are constantly thinking about “the next thing” we need to satisfy ourselves. I could relate so completely, and I found encouragement that I’m not the only one with a “next thing” on my list!

Realizing this was all fine and dandy, but what to do with this revelation? I’m a “doer.” I don’t like to sit back and let life happen to me. If I feel like something’s not right in my life, I try my hardest to fix it. (That’s what being the middle child does to you…we are fixers!) But God stepped in and reveled something so spectacularly simple to me: You can’t fix yourself. Only I can do that.

It came to me after reading through two parables that I have read and reread many times. Just like my math homework, I didn’t quite get it until much later. It is just finally starting to click in my mind. Most of you are probably just as familiar with the parable of the four soils, but here is a refresher for you:

Mark 4: 1-9

“Once again Jesus began teaching by the lakeshore. A very large crows soon gathered around him, so he got into a boat. Then he sat in the boat while all the people remained on the shore. He taught them by telling stories in the form of parables, such as this one:

‘Listen! A farmer when out to plant some seed. As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate it up. Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. But the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn’t have deep roots, it died. Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and chocked out the tender plants so that they produced no grain. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thurty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted.’”

In my arrogance I always thought that a person’s heart can only be one kind of soil forever, that you were just given what you got and I of course am the good fertile soil. I just recently learned that our heart responds to things in different ways. Sometimes what God teaches us lands on good soil, ready to be received and put down deep roots. But other times what God is telling us lands on the packed, hard soil—we are unwilling to let the seed grow and change. Sometimes we receive his word quickly, but the rock underneath prohibits growth—our worries and current struggles get in the way of growth. And other times unseen weeds choke out what God is trying to say to us. For some reason this was lost on me all the times I read this passage. Jennifer Kennedy Dean, the author of the Bible study, wrote this: “Even good soil has to be prepared. It has to be plowed. When the Lord is turning over the soil in your heart, don’t try to pat it back down and make it nice and even like it used to be. Let the Lord prepare the ground for the seed He wants to plant there. ‘Break up your unplowed ground.'  (Jeremiah 4:3). God has a promise for you.”

I realized that there is nothing I can do to “fix” myself. I can’t make myself stop comparing myself. But God can. And he is. He is plowing up the unwilling, selfish soil and preparing it for the seeds he has planned for me. The farmer, God, is doing all the work in my heart. I am just finally being willing, and recognizing that patting back the soil to seem put together isn’t going to help. While plowing looks messy and feels painful, the end result is always worth it.

Jennifer Kennedy Dean also touched on the life of a seed. John 12:24 says “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, It remains alone. But it’s death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives.” She explains it like this: “Where is the life in a seed? It’s in the seed’s embryo, which contains the blueprint for life. The husk, the tough outer layer that encases the seed, must be broken down so water and oxygen can reach the embryo, the life center. The outer layer must die so the life contained within the seed can emerge.”

Jesus isn’t sugar coating anything with these teachings! Following him means our hearts will be plowed. It means we have to die to ourselves to let his blueprint guide our life. And we are pretty powerless in this situation! Besides being open to his word and allowing him to do his work, we can’t do much to change ourselves.

I’m pretty thankful for a God who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. Who is willing to plow up the messes I get myself into and plant his Word, his blueprint for life, into my heart. 

Take a listen to this new song by Sidewalk Prophets. It has been by prayer for the last week.

Looking Ahead: 2014

January always bums me out a little. With Christmas over, the snow suddenly seems a little less magical, Christmas songs are getting a little annoying, and the cold is settling in for another four months. I’m ready for tulips and sunshine, but instead we are stuck with snow heavy clouds, icy streets, and bitter winds. It’s safe to say that I catch a bit of the winter blues in January!

I figure this is the perfect time to start looking ahead to all the good that 2014 has to offer. I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions, simply because I haven’t had much luck following through with them in the past. A few years ago I discovered something I like much better—it’s called “My One Word.”

The idea behind “My One Word” is to pick one word that centers on your character and creates a vision for your future. Instead of making a long list of resolutions that will most likely fall of the radar by February, you pick a word that helps you narrow down your focus and provide some clarity. You can learn more here: http://myoneword.org/

For 2014, I have chosen the word “Abide.”  It comes from the passage of scripture found in John 15:4, which says, “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.”

This passage was read at our wedding in June, and it’s how we prepared ourselves for marriage. We refer back to this passage often to remind ourselves that whatever plans we make for ourselves better include the Lord, with the goal of glorifying his name. Without Christ, all of our well-intended plans will be meaningless. So while this is a passage that will continue to guide and shape the rest of our life together, I have chosen it for 2014 to remind myself to make plans for the future that include the Lord. Here are some things I have planned for 2014:

1.     Cherish life’s daily joys. Big and small.

 

Every day is worth celebrating, simply because God has granted us another day to live out his love. It can be difficult to appreciate his little blessings in the business of life, so we now have a visual reminder to help us slow down and take not of what God is doing for us. At the end of 2014 we’ll go back through the notes we threw into this little jar and remember all that God did for us—all the good, bad, and in between.

2.     Learn. Reach out. Speak.

We have a lot to learn! 2013 was a year of learning, especially when it comes to our book business. We took some big risks, trusted that God would provide for us, and then took some big steps. We want to keep learning all we can about how to market my writing, all the while keeping in mind that things might continue to go slowly for a few more years. We are having fun, though, and are grateful that for now we are in control over my writing. I am not currently under a contract to write, which means we can take a break while we figure out how we want to move forward with my publishing adventure. You can read more about the fears and doubts I have struggled with recently on my author blog: http://sarawhitley.wordpress.com/

With this in mind, we are striving to reach out and speak in 2014. We are researching events to go to sell books, and I’m also working very hard to set up some speaking events. I am excited to speak to the Sioux Falls Kiwanis club in February, and I’m contacting quite a few teachers with the hopes that I can get into many classrooms in 2014. I’m hoping to get into more libraries, shops, and bookstores in the coming year. Keep checking out my Facebook fanpage for all of those details!

3.     Run.

Running has always been a passion of mine, but I pushed it to the backburner when the opportunity to write presented itself. A pretty nasty IT Band injury didn’t help either, and the fact that I had to drop out of the cross country and track program at USF to begin working. I wasn’t running on a scholarship and things were getting a bit tight in the money department, so I made the choice to take a break with the hopes that after my injury healed I could just run on my own. Life got busy, however, and I simply didn’t make the time to schedule running back into my life. I want to change that in 2014! With these snazzy pink shoes and an injury prevention program in place, I am looking forward to getting back on the trail. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be heading up to the Twin Cities in October for my first marathon.

January is looking a little brighter as I look forward to all the things that 2014 has to offer! As always, I appreciate all the prayers and encouraging words from you, my family and friends. I find so much joy knowing that because I belong to the body of Christ, I am never alone—no matter how dark and cold this journey can get, I have a warm and loving support system to help me through.

Happy New Year! 

2013 In Review

Ben and I are treating this normal life like one big, exciting adventure. While life changing moments may not take place every day, week, or month, the little moments add up to make the biggest memories, which we are treasuring up with the hopes that years down the road, after our yet to be family has grown and life has slowed down, we will be able to pull up and smile fondly at. (I hope nobody reads this and thinks we are about to be a family of three…not yet! J )

Here is a peek into 2013—a bigger year for us, one we will always hold near and dear to our hearts.

January

In January we welcomed our beautiful niece, Mariah Rose Harriman, into the world. We fell in love instantly, and every time we go down to Yankton Ben looks forward to one thing more than anything else—getting to hold the baby! She has brought so much joy into our lives, and we love watching her grow and change.

I also got the first printed copy of my first book—the promotional copy, as it is called in the publishing world.  I also gained control of my author website in January! A team at Tate Publishing put the site together and helped me get the hang of navigating it, then released full control over to me. Now I can upload photos, write blog posts, and make other changes to the site. Check it out here: http://sarawhitley.tateauthor.com/

February

I signed my contract for my second book in February! I was still in the beginning stages of learning how to market my first book, so this was a whirlwind time for me! Ben and I have learned so much since those first crazy months of book ordering and planning events. We are looking forward to all the events we will do in 2014.

February signaled the end of my days of a cashier. (Hopefully! I would take a second job in a heartbeat if we needed to, but I pray I don’t have to J) I started my wonderful new job at Lutheran Social Services in February! Back then I worked as an assistant teacher at an after-school and summer program, and I have since moved to a new program where I am the lead teacher of 16 of the squirreliest, funniest, most difficult group of kids I have ever had the privilege of working with. Some days I come home crying in frustration, other days I come home laughing and telling story after story of how wonderful my kids are. It’s the best job I’ve ever had, and I feel so blessed to have found it!

March

March was a busy, busy month of book promotion! On March 2^nd I had my first official “pre-release” book signing at the University of Sioux Falls. I forget that most of you don’t understand all the publishing jargon that I have gotten to learn over the year, so I will fill you in on what this means. The pre-release stage in publishing is similar to when a movie releases in a movie theater. The point is to build excitement and get people talking about the movie so that when it releases to the public, people actually want to buy it. During the pre-release stage, I am the only one who has copies of the book, which I order directly from Tate Publishing. I receive these books at a discounted price and sell them for full profit, a great way to earn back the money I invested into the project—I earn my full investment back when I sell 1000 copies in actual book stores and from online sites such as Amazon.com. The copies I purchase don’t count towards the 1000 copies I have to sell, but it is the quickest way to make money on this project! And it is also fun to put on these events. I LOVE talking to people, especially kids who have a passion for reading and writing. If I can inspire just a few people or turn even one soul to Jesus, I have accomplished my goal. Here is what we did in March:

March 2^nd—The first official pre-release party at USF

March 6^th—I got to speak to the Faith Baptist Youth Group and share the story of how God lead me to pursue this dream and how he calmed my nerves and provided for me during each day of doubt. A wonderful night!

March 16^th—Pre-release signing in historic downtown Yankton at Rexall Drug

I also attended my bridal shower and began writing my 3^rd story—I didn’t plan on expanding any more on Molly’s story but God had other plans in mind. I have been spending my Christmas break pounding that out, and I have a fourth story on the backburner that I had been working on before my present project. Third book is called (at least for right now!) “A New Day Dawning” (I hope you all have caught on to my “A” theme!) and the fourth is “The Year of Jubilee.” I am beyond excited for these two stories!

April

In April the trailer of “Another Ending” was released! See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgEyAV02zEU

USF also did a nice little news story for me. Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZLP0rJX2hM

Ben and I hit up LOTS of garage sales in April to fill up our first place! We moved him in at the end of April, and our apartment quickly became a cozy little home thanks to all the furniture my parents sent with us! Ben’s favorite is a giant overstuffed chair that doesn’t fit through any doorways or hallways. He had a blast taking off our front door and then removing the feet of the chair in order to get it into the apartment. He loved it even more when it wouldn’t fit down the hallway to the bedroom and we had to rearrange the living room to fit it in J (Did you catch the sarcasm? That chair is a source of great frustration for him. But it is a great chair and will be following us to our next place.)

I got a Facebook fanpage in April! If you haven’t “liked” my page, please do so here! https://www.facebook.com/authorsarawhitley I try to keep most of my book news separate from my personal page, to not overwhelm people with book posts!

To finish off April I turned 20 and celebrated with a yummy sundae, then watched my little brother grow up right before my eyes as he walked down Grand March at his prom.

May

I kicked off May by going to a local elementary school and speaking about my book! I am now in the process of writing and sending letters to teachers offering to come speak in their classrooms. If you know of anyone who might be interested let me know!

May is kind of a blur to me because a lot of things happened, but nothing really big happened. I am grateful for that month though, because the coming months would really make up for that! I finished my sophomore year and ran around getting all the last minute wedding details figured out. I spent countless hours constructing these guys:

Also, I watched my sister Katie graduate from Dordt College and this awkward family photo was born:

I started working full time in May at the summer program—I worked from 6:30-2:30 Monday through Friday all summer long. It was a struggle to drag myself out of bed most mornings, and I was glad to go back to the normal 2-6 when school started up again in August. My first book was also officially released, which means that bookstores were able to order and stock the book, and I could now to book signings in bookstores.

Oh, I also suffered a panic attack the end of May and ended up in the hospital. No big deal.

June:

WE GOT MARRIED!

That tops anything else that happened in June. We honeymooned at a charming Bed&Breakfast in Jordan, Minnesota and hit up IKEA, Mall of America, and ValleyFair while in Minneapolis. Perhaps we will take a more exotic vacation before we start a family, but we are both pretty low-key people and those few days of relaxation and laughter in the warm Minnesota summer air were just what we needed after the previous fun-filled, stressful weeks.

I also got to see Barry Manilow in Sioux City with my mama! It was a blast—he may be in his 70s but he’s still got it and he knows how to put on a good show. I know you are all jealous 

July

In July we just had a good old time being silly together. Here are some of the things we did:

August

August was our first experience as a vendor at the Lifelight Music Festival. It was a hot, dusty, exhausting, extremely rewarding weekend!

September

I received the promotion copy of my second book “An Open Window” in September. It was amazing to hold two published works in my hand and marvel at how far God had taken us.

October

I did my first signing at an actual bookstore! It was so fun to set up at Crossroads Book & Music in Sioux Falls and meet with readers. I got to do an interview with Keloland too, to promote the event! If you missed it, catch the blurb here: http://www.keloland.com/newsdetail.cfm/20-year-old-author-publishes-first-book/?id=154408

We also did more silly, fun things, and celebrated 5 years of togetherness: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UchwnyDobr0

November

November was pretty low-key for us. I learned so much from my students about thankfulness, and celebrated Thanksgiving with both sides of the family. My mom and I also went to see The Cake Boss at the Washington Pavilion!

December

The highlight of December so far has been picking up my sister at the airport, who had spent the last five months teaching overseas. I got the first hug J

It’s been a blur of Christmas gatherings, Christmas goodies, and hours of shopping and wrapping gifts. Ben and I are looking forward to going home and celebrating our Savior’s birth with both sides of the family—it’s so convenient that they live in the same town!

So much to be thankful for in the last year! We are looking forward to all the adventures to come in 2014! Thank you for walking this road with us.

Cupcakes, Cookies, and Christmas Books--A Tale of a Special Christmas Party

My job is one of the greatest sources of stress in my life. It is also one of the greatest sources of joy. Imagine being bombarded with 16 kindergarten through fifth graders who have just sat through an entire day of school—most of them have ridden the bus for over an hour before coming to school. Needless to say, the kids are often already wired and reckless or tired and cranky. One day the program is utter chaos, and I feel like I’m a chicken running around with my head cut off dealing with one crisis after another. Other days I wander around, scratching my head, wondering who kidnapped my rowdy kids and replaced them with calm, respectful kids. I like those days J.

I liked yesterday too. And yesterday was the opposite of calm!  Yesterday was our Christmas party, and all of the kids had just come from Christmas parties from school—where there was candy, cookies, games, and no structure whatsoever. My kids came running down the hallway with grins on their faces and arms full of gifts from their teachers. And this is when my heart melted.

My kids attend a low income school—and it shows. They show up wearing old clothes, worn shoes, and hungry bellies. I’ve never seen kids so excited about eating fruit as these kids! They rely on the school to provide breakfast and lunch for them as the only meal they are assured is dinner. On the weekends they are sent home with food and if they miss school on Friday, that means they and their families will go hungry. A few of my kids cry at least two times a week because they don’t want to go home because at home, they are hungry. It breaks my heart.

Special days at school are a million times more special to the kids at this school than they ever were for me. Teacher gave me cookies? No big deal—mom would help us make Christmas cookies over break. Teacher gives us a bag full of pencils, erasers, and a sharpener? Who cares? I have plenty of pencils at home.  For my kids, these simple things are the truly amazing. The church we have our program at put on the Christmas party for us, where they provided apple cider, a fruit and vegetable tray, and Christmas cookies for the kids to decorate. Those veggies disappeared so fast, I could have blinked and never known they existed. They were thrilled to have fresh veggies to snack on!

But the greatest part of the day was seeing my kids open their hearts and give. Immediately when the kids came down from their classrooms to come find me, they were searching for what they could give me. One of my sweetest, funniest students insisted that I take the wrapped present that her teacher had given her, and I knew that if I said no it would break her heart. After making sure she was absolutely sure that she wanted to give me her gift, I graciously accepted it and opened it with her.  It was a Christmas book, which we then read together; a sweet moment I will hold in my heart. Another student gave me the fluffy cupcake she’d gotten from her classroom party, and then later gave me the cookie she had frosted—decorated with treats I had given her as a gift.

These three things—a cupcake, a cookie, and a Christmas book—will hands down be my favorite gifts this Christmas, as I know that the little ones who gave me these things had nothing else to give. They will most likely not wake up to a Christmas tree overflowing with gifts like I did as a child. Who knows if some of them will even receive one thing? Still, I did not see one pair of sad eyes in my program yesterday, because what they had been given was more than enough. To me, it seemed like so little, and for them to give what little they did have truly touched me.

I will miss those little stinkers over Christmas break. I pray they are blessed by others as much as they blessed me yesterday.

Merry Christmas

The Widow's Offering

Jesus sat down near the collection box in the Temple and watched as the crowds dropped in their money. Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins.

Jesus called his disciples to him and said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on."

Mark 12

Love, Save the Empty

“Mom, this boy at school won’t leave me alone. He chases me around at recess, pokes me all the time and calls me names. Why is he doing this?”

“Oh sweetie. He must just like you, that’s all!”

How many of us have had this conversation? I think we’ve probably all said things like this to little girls in our lives. Sometimes, it’s true. Boys mature at a slower rate than girls, and as children they struggle to show feelings in an appropriate way. This might also be because society tells boys that men don’t cry or show any kind of sensitivity in any way. What’s a little guy to do when he finds himself “in love” but unable to show his little sweetie the kindness and respect she deserves because the world tells him he’s a wimp when he does so? We try to make sense of this confusing world of growing up by telling our little girls that when boys like you they are mean to you.

I don’t like that very much. And here’s why.

Little girls grow up in a complicated and confusing world. Their families and friends tell them they are beautiful, but society bombards them with false images of beauty that they desire far more than what God has naturally blessed them with. Take a look at this video—this completely fake woman who has been distorted and changed beyond recognition. She starts off as a pretty girl on her own, but winds up looking beautiful beyond what is actually achievable. She is computer generated, but when we see these images on TV commercials and magazine covers we fail to recognize the lies that these women actually are. The end result is a constant struggle to achieve the impossible.

The woman is literally erased and stretched out right before our eyes. Still, our little girls are looking up to these fake women and striving to be them. They are bound to fail, because these women are NOT REAL. Little girls grow up into young women who desire more than anything to be loved and cherished. But if they don’t believe what their families and friends say to them, who will they believe? Who do they then go searching after in order to fill the hole in their hearts? I think we all know the answer—boys.

When young women are desperate for love and affection, they often fail to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship. And why should they see the signs if for their whole lives people told them that when boys like a girl, they are mean to them. Affection starved young girls overlook abusive treatment in relationships because they’ve convinced themselves that the behavior will probably go away one day, or that the man doesn’t really mean to hurt her, he just doesn’t know how to express his love properly. They try to explain it away, to rationalize it. Take a listen to P!NK’s newest song, “True Love.” I hate this song. Every time it comes on the radio I keep it on just so I can reaffirm that I still hate it, and that the message hidden inside this catchy little tune are damaging words to young women everywhere.

Here are some lyrics that particularly get on my nerves:

·         “I know life would suck without you. At the same time, I wanna hug you, I wanna wrap my hands around your neck. You’re an a—hole, but I love you, and you make me so mad I ask myself why I’m still here, or where could I go, you’re the only love I’ve ever known, but I hate you, I really hate you so much it must be true love.”

o   Seriously? If this guy is an a—hole and you’re asking yourself why you’re still with him….why are you still with him? She explains why in the next few words. “You’re the only love I’ve ever known.” Women in abusive relationships are told by their abusers over and over again that they are worthless and that no one else would ever love them. When you are told something often enough, you begin to believe it. So even when violence finds its way into the picture, women often don’t leave because they truly believe they are unworthy and unlovable, that their abusers is the only one that will ever love them. Great words of encouragement, pop culture!

·         “Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings. Just once please try not to be so mean.”

o   If the man in your life never stops to consider your feelings, it probably isn’t a healthy relationship. If you have to ask the man in your life to “just once try not to be so mean” it probably isn’t a healthy relationship. But hey, if a boy is mean to you it means he likes you, so it probably isn’t a big deal anyway. See my point? We are teaching our young women that it is okay for men to mistreat them, because in actuality it is true love!

·         “Why do you rub me up the wrong way? Why do you say the things that you say? Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be, but without you I’m incomplete. I think it must be true love.”

o   How does one come to the conclusion that this kind of treatment is true love? It just doesn’t make sense to me!

I know the majority of people who hear this song probably don’t read into it as much as I do. It’s true that we treat those closest to us the worst. I can be having the worst day ever but I will smile and chat politely with the cashier at the grocery store and then go home and lash out at my husband. We all do that. That’s what most people probably think of when they hear this song. But children soak in everything they hear. When all the songs on the radio tell them to sell their bodies for love and that true love means being miserable and just bearing through it, they will take that to heart. All the messages that the world throws at them don’t just roll off their shoulders. Years and years of this kind of “education” will affect them more than we’d like to think. The cycle of abuse gets harder and harder to break when there are so many negative messages like P!NK’s floating around the airwaves.

I like this song much better. It’s called “Love, Save the Empty,” by Eric McCarley. It gives clear examples of why our society is so messed up. Take a listen to a few of her lyrics:

·         “Face down on top of your bed. Oh, why did I give it up to you? Is this how I shoot myself up high, just high enough to get through. Again, for false affection. Again, break down inside.”

o   I love the honesty in this verse. While TV shows and movies tell us that hopping in and out of bed with as many people as possible is fun and romantic, the ugly side of doing so is hardly ever portrayed. When teenagers are given the message that casual sex is fun and no big deal, of course they’re gonna do it. But how many of them will tell you they regret it? Chances are slim. The world says that those who wait for their spouse are lame. So if you’ve given yourself up and regret it, why risk being seen as lame? Lying about how you feel is probably the way to go. Better yet, let’s just bury it and pretend we’re not broken. That sounds like a good idea.

·         “Sad boy you stare up at the sky when no one’s looking back at you. You wear your every last disguise, you’re flying then you fall through. Again, for false attention. Again, you’re breaking inside.”

o   Boys are not immune to the brokenness of our world. They are searching for love and affection just as much as girls. It breaks my heart that society does such a good job at breaking down the sweet boys of this world. If you go back to the first verse, Erin talks about little girls and boys not having good role models to strive after. I agree 100% with her. If children have poor role models and soak in the lies of our society, chances are they will be beaten up along the way.

I wish the little girls and boys of the world could hear God’s truth over the loud, ugly lies of society. I wish they would take to heart verses like Psalm 139:13—“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and you knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.” I wish little girls and boys would fully believe that they were hand-woven by God himself, and that God doesn’t make mistakes. I wish that when little girls and boys started learning about love and relationships, they would memorize 1 Corinthians 13—“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It does not rejoice with injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” If little girls took these verses to heart, I think they would more clearly see the foolishness in the type of love that P!NK and others like her sing about.

I wish little girls and boys realized that the type of love they seek out is right in front of them, and that Jesus loves them with a depth and intensity they will find nowhere else.  A love that took up a heavy wooden cross and marched up Calvary’s hill while the world yelled lies and insults right at his face. A love that endured humility, brutality, and destruction just to save them.

You can help break the cycle of abuse by sharing this truth with your kids and all the kids in your life. They need to hear this truth so desperately. Please join me in doing so!