Why July Make Me Smile

I’ve been doing a lot of blathering about my book. But that’s only cause I’m super excited and I know a lot of you are too, and you’re honestly curious about the process. So in case you were wondering what’s been going on lately with the production process, I will tell you in one word. Nothing. Nothing will start happening until September, which to me seems like it’s taking forever and a day to get here but will really be here in the blink of an eye. Once September hits things will start rolling faster than I’m probably ready for, and rest assured that I will update more frequently when there is more to say.

This post is for all the hopeless romantics. Ben and I are just shy of hitting 10 months left in our countdown. It’s crazy to think that we started out with 549 days, and we’re already down to 319 days. It’s gone SO fast. This scares me a little bit, because I know in the coming months things will really start piling up on me…school, work, book stuff, and wedding stuff will quickly get overwhelming if I don’t make it a priority to deal with issues as they come. But I love lists and organizing things. Poor Ben doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into…

But in the midst of all the craziness, I stop and remember why I’m doing all this. I work because I want to pay for most of my school expenses on my own, and I’d like to pay for as much as the wedding as I can. I go to school because I have a passion for bringing healing to a hurting world. It doesn’t matter to me if only a handful of people receive healing because of my work. As long as I tried my best, that’s all that matters to me. And I’m getting married because I love Ben more than I ever thought was possible to love another human. And because we share the same heart.

I want to give you all a glimpse into what our world has been like for the past 4 years. It was right around this time of year in 2008 that things started changing for us. In fact I know it was the last week in July in 2008. I could dig out an old journal from that year to prove it, but who knows where in the world the box is that holds it. But I can tell you with complete certainty that most entries included Ben. We’d become good friends that summer as we hung out with kids from our youth group, but we never spent any time alone. But this last week of July changed…Ben asked me to go fishing with him. This story always cracks me up though, because I freaked out. I was convinced he liked me and I was certain that I didn’t like him. (I guess I liked lying to myself. I totally liked him) Anyway, after telling him no many times, his persistence paid off and I finally said yes. But I drug Matthew with me, and then Sammie ended up joining us as well. I thought this would be safer, but he seemed kinda upset about our siblings joining us, which caused me to freak out more because I wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be a date or not. But later that night it finally hit me. I liked him. Because hours earlier, before we went fishing, I changed three times before ending up in shorts and a t-shirt. I changed THREE times for a fishing date! I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t like that boy, and that was the first night I knew my life would never be the same. Ben recently admitted to me that he never wanted that night to be a date. He honestly just wanted to go fishing with a friend. Yeah I know…romantic. He shoulda lied and told me he had a secret crush on me too. Would have made for much more interesting reading material. 

Four years later here we are, preparing for marriage. Crazy nuts. I still get comments from people, telling me I’m too young and that I should be enjoying my twenties doing who knows what. But I got to thinking the other day…I was never a normal child. Other kids spent their weekends at friends’ houses, I spent them reading. Other girls gushed to their girlfriends about everything from boys to clothes to makeup. I never had much interest in flipping through magazines or making giggly talk with girlfriends. My mind was just on other stuff, and I think even at that young God was preparing me for this crazy life I’m living right now. Other young people might look at my life and yawn because it seems boring, but they have no idea what they’re missing out on. Because I don’t live in one world…I live in two. One world I’m a young bride preparing for her wedding and studying a field I love. In another world I’m the characters I’ve created. I tell my stories from a first person point of view, so I really have to step into their shoes and feel what they must be feeling. Their pain becomes my pain, their trials are mine to endure. And it’s impossible for me to leave their world. I’m in for life. So it really is like I’m living in two worlds, because in any given hour I go from dreaming about my wedding to sympathizing with my characters. These two worlds are interwoven, yet they live in harmony. I can’t imagine why anyone would think the life I lead is boring when I get to dream in two worlds.

But I will be honest. The real world is far better, because the real world has Ben. I can say without a doubt that God had been preparing us for each other long before we ever considered the idea of dating or marriage. From the very beginning of our relationship, Ben and I have been able to connect on a very deep level, sharing the same passion to bring healing to this world. We both very much want to change things, and the awesome part is we hold the same dream. While on this earth we want to give selflessly knowing that in the end, we answer to God. We want to be able to stand before him and say we gave it our all. So if we ever did find ourselves having more money than expected, we want to use it in a way that blesses others, not ourselves. To me, this is the biggest blessing in my life. It would be very difficult if one of didn’t see the value to giving and blessing others with what we’ve been given. So I am beyond grateful that God brought us together, because together we are so much better than alone. We are a great team, and we can’t wait to get out into the world and follow wherever God leads us.

So I am smiling this week, unable to stop. This is the week four years ago that my life changed forever. I fell in love with the one my heart had been waiting for my entire life. These past four years have been wonderful, but I know the best is yet to come for us. This is just the beginning.