Thursday, December 22, 2011

What I've Learned

Since being in a relationship for the past three years, I’ve learned so many important lessons. In the beginning of high school I swore off relationships; I figured it wasn’t worth it to date in high school because it would be distracting and end in heart break. But of course that changed when Ben came into the picture, and God has used this experience to teach me so much about life. I never want to sound like we have it all figured out…far from the truth. But I look around sometimes and just want to share what I’ve learned with young ladies today because they are being lied to and settling for less than what they deserve. I just want to share with them some truths I’ve picked up along the way.

I want every girl to know that she is worth being pursued. I read an article a few weeks ago about how the art of pursuit is slowly disappearing; women today I guess like to take charge and make a move themselves. Or…pursuit is being seen as “creepy.” It’s a sad reality I suppose. I remember finding it weird and a little creepy when Ben would be the gentleman he is, opening doors and genuinely caring for me. Once before we were dating, my car broke down and he bought me some oil at Wal-Mart. I thought that was a bit strange; but it felt nice. I slowly began to realize that this behavior was not creepy…Ben was a gentleman and he enjoyed doing nice things for me. Ladies…you are worth being pursued. When a boy opens a door for you, he isn’t insulting you; he just wants to be nice. It’s not stalking if he leaves you gifts, writes on your Facebook wall, or texts you…he just wants you to know that he is thinking about you and likes you. He wants to pay for your dinner and buy you flowers for no reason not to be creepy…but to be a gentleman! You are worth being pursued! Every girl deserves a boy that puts forth the effort to woo you. I don’t care how times have changed, if you don’t have a guy that puts forth that effort, maybe he’s not for you. In my mind, it’s still the guy’s job to win your heart.

I wish every girl knew how much clothes have an effect on guys. Boys are very visually stimulated, and if you put it out there, they will look. Don’t complain about how guys just see women as objects when you dress in tight shirts with extremely low necklines and low rise jeans. Again, if you put it out there, they will look. When you start dating a boy who actually likes you for you and not your body, it’s beyond frustrating for them when your clothes start to get distracting. Guys get jealous…if they can see certain parts of you because of your clothes, so can other guys, and that bugs them. Cover up not only to help your guy out, but to give him some peace of mind. Really take a look at the clothes you put on in the morning and ask yourself if they way you dress would cause a fellow brother to stumble.

I wish every girl could see how going from boyfriend to boyfriend isn’t worth it. Some will tell you that dating a lot of boys gives you experience, it helps you discover what you really want in a dating and marriage relationship. Maybe. But maybe all it does is hurt you, leave you cynical, and give you baggage to lug around. From what I’ve seen, it’s the girls who have had countless boyfriends who think relationships aren’t worth it anymore…that boys are jerks and marriage is a joke. The younger you start, the worse it gets…that’s why I am a firm believer in waiting until you’re older to think about dating. My own kids will have ‘”the 16 rule.” I don’t want to see my daughters get caught up in relationships and get hurt.

I want every girl to know that not all guys are scumbags. Mind blown, right? There are good ones out there! There are still boys out there who will ask your dad if he can date you…Ben did it. There are boys who like you for you and who will wait for you…Ben waited 6 months for me to turn 16 so we could date. There are boys out there who will tell you that you look beautiful, not sexy or hot. Boys who are saving themselves for marriage and who love God more than they will love you. Boys who are excited for adulthood, for marriage, for kids…who will look at you and say they can’t wait for a future with you and truly mean it. Boys who wait to say “I love you” until they really, really mean it, not just to manipulate you into giving them what they want. There are boys out there who have been learning to love God before they love a girl…who want to be spiritual leaders and the head of their future households. The problem is…most of these guys are still learning and seeking God. They aren’t out prowling the hallways, charming the girls, always in and out of relationships. They might be the quiet ones, the “weird” ones, the ones you overlook. Don’t overlook these boys…they will treat you the way you deserve to be treated…as a daughter of the God they love. Be patient and wait for God to bring you the young man he has been preparing for you. One day you will understand why it maybe took so long.

 Don’t try to do God’s job. He is preparing boys that are worth the wait, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I look back on these three years and just smile…I had overlooked Ben so many times before, but I’m glad I finally saw him for the absolute gift he is. He is a true gentleman who treats me with respect and who truly loves me. The great thing is…Ben isn’t the only one. Wait for these guys, they are worth it.

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