I consider myself to be a fairly un-sappy girl—well, before pregnancy, that is! I used to poke fun at people who could tear up during a movie or while reading a sad book, but it looks like the tables have turned on me, especially now that I am in my 13th week of pregnancy and the risk of miscarriage has dropped significantly. The thought of losing this baby has been in the back of my mind since day one, and I’m breathing a sigh of relief and praising God that for now, everything seems to be right on track.
I spend quite a bit of my day thinking about the little one we’re so excited to welcome into our lives in January, which of course, makes me really emotional! I find myself smiling at and watching new moms cuddling their new babies at the pool when I’m watching my summer program kiddos. I’ll feel a marble well up in my throat thinking about holding my own baby. I wonder what his or her sweet face will look like. I have so many dreams and plans for this little one that it almost overwhelms me.
Something completely new overwhelmed me, reducing me to tears while driving down a busy street in Sioux Falls today. I was listening to “How He Loves” by David Crowder, and I just could not handle thinking about the deep, deep love that the Lord already has for this baby! Please listen to the song before reading on:
God already has all the physical traits of our baby etched out. He knows what the baby’s sweet face will look like—he’s already picked out what splash of color the baby’s eyes will be, he’s carved the dimples that I’m just absolutely positive will grace his or her face, and he’s already counted out the number of hairs that will cover the baby’s soft little head. But more importantly—far more importantly—he is preparing our baby’s heart to hunger and thirst after him. Jesus says in John 4:13-14 to the Samaritan woman at the well that “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst again.” Our baby will understand physical thirst—and it will understand spiritual thirst as well. God has programed us to desire something in this world. As Christians we know that the desire can only be filled with Christ. God is preparing our little one to battle this spiritual thirst, and I am already praying that he or she will choose the living water of Jesus, and not the physical “water” that the world will offer up. I find it amazing that even as this little one is still growing, God is already pursuing his or her heart! As the song says, he loves this baby! Passionately, richly, deeply, and with a power that is so all satisfying that it made me a teary, blubbery mess right in front of Target today just thinking about it.
I’ve heard it said that you never truly understand what it means to love another until you hold your baby in your arms. I’m looking forward to that moment. But I am so, so thankful that God is already holding our baby in his strong arms. I am thankful that God is revealing his heart to me during this pregnancy; offering up just a tiny taste of the love he has for me as I love my own baby. Seriously, this little button is only the size of a peach and already I can’t comprehend the love I feel for him or her! How could anyone love anything more than this? Rereading what Christ accomplished on the cross puts it into perspective in a hurry. You can read about it here:
I can’t wait to see our child learn about what Christ has done for him or her! I hope that their eyes fill with tears when they truly realize the depth of what Christ has done for them. I can’t wait for the day when they make the decision to become a follower of Jesus. How wonderful will it be to be both a mother and a sister or brother in Christ to my child?? I find so much peace and comfort knowing that in all the ways I will fall short as a parent, in all the ways I won’t love this baby adequately, that God’s love will always be there for my little one—that he will never, ever fail him or her. His love will always run deeper than mine, and for that I am truly grateful.
I’m also a little bit emotional about it J
Thirteen Week! I realize the writing is super small....oops! Baby's fingerprints have now formed, the head makes up 1/3 of his or her body, is 3 inches long and weighs about 1 oz. Mom feels SO MUCH BETTER than two weeks ago, and even though its hard to tell in this picture there IS a little baby bump happening, folks. It's a baby, not cookies, I promise :)